[OFFICIAL] Investigation #001 - Missing ELO

༶KARAS༶ — Sun, 01 Nov 2026 00:44:29 +0000

CASE FILE #001: MISSING ELO

Department: Competitive Integrity
Status: UNDER INVESTIGATION
Priority: CRITICAL
Suspects: Everyone except us

INCIDENT REPORT

Certified Skill Issues™ has officially launched an investigation into the mysterious disappearance of our competitive rating.

After reviewing several matches, management has concluded that our players are completely innocent.

The investigation continues.

PRIMARY SUSPECTS

01. THE SERVERS
Our shots clearly connected. Reality disagreed.

02. OUR TEAMMATES
Suspiciously present during every defeat.

03. THE ENEMY TEAM
Unreasonably skilled. Possibly using their monitors.

04. VALVE
Continues matching us against people who know how to play.

05. OUR OWN SKILL
Investigation suspended. No evidence of its existence was found.

OFFICIAL FINDINGS

ELO Recovered: 0
Excuses Submitted: 147
Players Taking Responsibility: 0
Management Confidence: 100%

PUBLIC STATEMENT

"We have thoroughly investigated ourselves and found no evidence of wrongdoing."

All members are encouraged to submit additional excuses in the comments.

Certified Skill Issues™
Professional Players. Unprofessional Results.

UPDATE: We lost another match during the investigation.

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[OFFICIAL] Investigation #001 - Missing ELO