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It still bugs me that her equipment gets lost when this happens. I wouldn't necessarily mind the gold worth at this point, but there are lots of high end gear that can't be bought when lost.
I did notice a banner across the top of the screen saying she snuffed it.
I don't think I can remarry, I spoke to several female nobles since, but I don't get that conversation option. It's a bummer though, I'd liked to be able to further expand the family. I have like 20 kids now, and with a mod pretty much all of them can be brought to battle from toddler to teenager.
You can't, unless it's another infamous bug. My character's spouse died during childbirth and no other suitable candidate even offers the dialogue anymore.
That's female characters; male characters are capped at 40
Sometimes it's difficult for people to come to terms with the passing of a loved one. I am sorry for your loss. People try to rationalise and shock sometimes stops people even realising their loved one is gone. "The wife is nowhere to be found". She's gone, ser.
You can't fight the rules, you can't argue with the system. You can change some rules, but ultimately, fate decides who lives and who dies.
What was your wives' culture? Some cultures would bury the deceased with their equipment and possessions. This may be why you can't locate her inventory.
At least mine died after popping out my sixth kid. Grieved for a second, then conquered a few cities. In the end, we had a good run.