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First quest is a buried treasure quest. Each player has to do theirs separately.
Except Special Jobs that take you to the next trader, all other quests after the first quest is automatically shared when in party with other people. If those people leave the party, then the quest is automatically unshared.
Special Jobs, or whatever they are called, are on a per player basis. So if you wait until the rest of your party catches up, they will get the same trader progression quest as you do.
As for your question, I don't quite understand what you mean. You can take any quest with and without him. That is, unless you're using mods that changes this mechanic.
If you two are sharing the same quest, you two have to be next to each other to start it at the location. Otherwise, the consequence is whatever it tells you would happen.
My friend told me to join is singleplayer/coop game and he was wandering around, I went straight to the trader for a quest, the trader wouldn't give me the quest until he was nearby
Shared quests will give you a warning at the quest marker that your ally will fail the quest if he is not close enough. But you can still start the quest without them and they will simply fail it and you can do it alone.
The default game does not force you to quest with any of your allies. You can do quests without them. If they fail the quest it is just a message but they don't lose reputation or suffer any penalty at all.