Once upon a time, there were two groups of professionals, they ran across the sands of Dust ll firing away with their peashooters, as clumps of USP-S' decorated the floor of CT spawn, trapped in a eternal warm-up.
They continued firing into the sunset, not a single bomb to be planted, no defuse kits to be bought, the warm-up was a wonderful place to be. With thousands of spectators waiting for ♥♥♥♥ to happen, the enforcers of Gaben began to watch carefully, 'Where are the others?' they cried 'We have to take strong action!'
The enforcers plittered and clattered away at their keyboards, and finally, the deed was done. One by one the professionals were plucked out of the game, all but one; The name was Elliot, BOT Elliot. He ran off to bombsite B as the spectators had a fit, and stood atop the barrels with a grin on his face, as a bulge formed in his pants, to resemble his rock hard courage. He shifted his eyes from doors to window, paying no mind to tunnels, and it was clear what he was doing 'He must be fixing the game!' The spectators hollered.
The bulge in Elliots pants began moving, tearing away at the cloth in front of it as a bath of sunlight came down upon his skull giving a warm feeling to all the spectators, the bulge burst forth and it was clear that it was a phallus, white juices oozing down from it, all spectators recevied a copy of Half Life 3 and sexual relief from a large brazilian man, covered in cough syrup.
A single tear rolled down BOT Elliots cheek, and Gaben himself floated down to bombsite B and smited the server, as a powerful voice boomed across every sound transmitting device in the universe. 'Welcome to discount heaven' as every sentient organic being in existance felt a warm smile descend upon them 'After nine years in development hopefully' A silence descended upon the universe, thicker than the brazilian-pleasure-mens' cough syrup as the final words of lord Gaben descended upon both, mortal and god.
'It was worth the weight'
Writers notes: god dammit this is not a 'guide' this is the ♥♥♥♥ing cs:go lore