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No, I Won't Marry You - Playing Dota 2 With Ladies
By riningear
"A girl on my team!? Impossible!! How could this be???" An in-depth guide explaining how to deal with a girl on your team and what not to do.
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Introduction: Girls in the Game
First of all, this guide doesn't need to be that long. I'm going in-depth because I apparently need to spell things out for people. If you want a ten-second guide, go right to "How to Play Dota 2 With A Girl."

With that being said. I'm a girl. I play video games. Congrats to me, special snowflake, woohoo, get me a gold medal. [/sarcasm]

No, really, though. Females in Dota 2 seem to get a universal reaction...

You're a girl!?

To which we reply, yes. We're girls. We're mistaken for 13-year-old boys more often than not when it comes to voice chat, but I suppose that's life.

I think the reaction, more often than not, comes from the fact that there are so few girls in Dota 2. Let's be honest here, there are so many great girl characters in Dota 2 we can play as, with Windrunner being adorable as hell and most of the females being Strong Female Characters(TM) of sorts. And you can even customize them! (I admit, I've bought at least $12 of stuff for Windrunner.) By that simple logic, you'd think there'd be more girls, right?

Neh. I'm pretty sure there are multiple reasons why there aren't enough girls playing Dota 2:

  • Fear of Gaming Community - The gaming community has a pretty bad reputation of being pretty sexist. I won't even begin with accusations, because a lot of you won't agree, and I've met more friendly guys than rude ones in this game specifically. Still, the reputation has been made, and the fear is there, and we can't do anything about it for now.
  • Lack of Accessibility - To be honest, it's not that easy to get Dota 2 as a girl. You have to be networked in with people who play the game, which is kind of intimidating in the gaming community considering the last point. Or, you can dish out the $30, which players of both sexes aren't always willing to do.
  • Scarcity of Females - It's a stupid cycle. There are so few girls that other girls aren't willing to join in. Or, a female player hops in, gets attacked or is made uncomfortable or just doesn't feel like she fits in, and just gives up.

Those are the big three reasons I've figured out. A lot of it goes deeper into the aforementioned sexism in the gaming community, but I won't begin with that because it basically results in the above.
How To Play With A Girl On Your Team
Play Dota 2.



Wait, seriously?

Yes. That's it. That's all you need to know. Just shut up and play.
What NOT To Do Unless You're Legitimately A Terrible Person
Don't harass her.

This should honestly be common sense, but I have learned that not a lot of people share the same definitions of "common sense." Harassment includes things like constantly bugging her to be your girlfriend, asking for pics, constantly saying anything you'd expect in a catcall, or calling her gender-specific insults.

Or making kitchen jokes. Because you really want a female going into a room with multiple sharp blades.



Especially don't use insults relating to sexual activity. If you have a mouth like that, she probably does get laid more than you.

{LINK REMOVED}And a link for one more kind of joke that you shouldn't make ever. At all.[goo.gl] (Slight trigger warning... also, Steam blocks out the word! Did you know!? Thank you Valve for being decent people.)


Don't assume she's a bad player.

Don't assume she's a good player either. In fact, don't make any assumptions about the female player based on her being female.

You have every right to yell at her for feeding or stealing your rune or stealing the courier or just being a terrible player overall once you can actually justify your yelling. Just see the above section.

Remember: If she's a bad Dota 2, it's not because she's female. It's because she's a bad Dota 2 player. What's under the pants is a coincidence.


Don't get upset at the team or a party SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE there is a female on the team/party.

This has happened multiple times. I'm serious. Female players (also foreign players, but I digress) tend to get a lot of bad rep for being terrible when it sometimes falls on others, or the team as a whole.

(My favorite insult in a pub match to my other party members: "Stop helping her, you're not gonna get laid by helping her." No s**t, Sherlock.)

Usually, as we all know, the fault is largely on the person complaining. So shut up for a minute, take a deep breath as your towers go down, and take a look at what's actually going on. If it actually does happen to fall on the female player, see the section above.

With that being said, if someone on your team DOES suck, here's a great guide on how to deal with it:
You Suck, Noob: How to Teach a Teammate


Don't expect to make friends with her because you (think you) are nice to her

Having basic human respect for a girl does not mean you deserve an award, much less her friendship. Yes, you can ask to be friends with her! Yes, you can ask to make a party with her! No, she is not obliged to do any of these things because you're a nice person!

(This applies to real life as well.)
In Conclusion
Long story short? Treat female players like you would treat any other peers.

When you play Dota 2 or similar games, you have to remember that it's really easy for people to get frustrated. When people get frustrated, they find the first possible thing to target in order to insult or demean the person or invalidate their opinions. First thing tends to be nationality in this community, then gender, then age.

Fun fact: Female Dota 2 players are most likely here to play Dota 2. This is not a dating site, or Facebook, or OkCupid. We don't necessarily care that we're female. Until you bring it up. Which happens a lot in voice chat.

To toot our own horns here, if there is a girl playing with you, it means that she's probably willing to attempt to put up with the potentially sexist bull that comes with merely being a girl pressing buttons on a keyboard. That means she's probably a lot tougher than the guy who gets hit in the balls early game and abandons early in pub matches.

You don't have to be angels or buy items for the girl or give her mid or let her farm if she's CM. You just have to have, like, basic respect.

To the ladies out there:

Just play. Report anyone harassing you if you have to. Party with people who you know will help you and be friendly with you. Partying with other females certainly makes things more fun.

All of you, take it easy.
32 Comments
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Calibrating Turian Jul 20, 2014 @ 12:27am 
OMG GUYS IM A GIRL PLEASE GIVE ME ATTENTION

ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I AM A GIRL PLZZZZ I BEG OF YOU PLZZ
agx Dec 16, 2013 @ 1:18pm 
I am also a strong and independant woman.
Cyro Joker Dec 14, 2013 @ 12:36am 
Thank you so much for writing this guide, although, as Jade said, it's sad that it has had to be made.

I'm relatively new to dota because I switched from LoL. However, in the four or so months on Dota, I have met only two other female players with one being a self called "special little angel, better than the whole team, and awesome gamer girl" and she was not afraid of playing the stereotype perfectly, much to the extreme amusement of the rest of the team.

I believe that just as the reputation for sexist players has been made by the minority of male players, the weak, noob etc reputation has been made by a minority of female Dota players. It's just hard to break the mindset that if a girl is on a team, she will feed or 'mic whore' the whole game or think to be the best thing that has happened to your Dota experience ever.

This isn't the way Dota, or any game, was meant to be played. Games are meant to be fun for everyone, yet here is a guide on how to play with a girl.




MOЯДEVVOГT Jul 14, 2013 @ 6:35pm 
I think som1 should just copy this guide and replace "female" with "russian" \ "pinoy" \ "famous internet person" and such.
It's dota, and only thing that matters is how well you can play it, not what is between your legs, color of your skin, language you speak or twitter\youtube follower count.
It's that simple
moo Jun 2, 2013 @ 4:38am 
This guide best
Ser Mikkel the Master Seducer Apr 28, 2013 @ 3:51pm 
This reminds me of a bit Bill Burr had on feminists. Obviously because I am a massive sexist fage.
Anal Bloom Festival Apr 28, 2013 @ 5:26am 
Wait, there are girls in this game? So far I've only seen russians.
Jade Apr 18, 2013 @ 4:43am 
It's sad that there is a need for a guide like this. All of the things written here should be obvious to people but they aren't.

Good job with the guide, hopefully it will affect at least a few people.

PS. celrose please stop with the victim blaming. No girl should have to "just turn off your mic and not talk at all" to not be bullied. The sexist a-holes are in the wrong here, not girls who are just trying to play a game.
Reiuji Apr 17, 2013 @ 11:09pm 
I know a few chicks who are good at the game and play with them regularly. But I've ran into far to many that CANNOT take any criticism for they're playstyle however small, and then Mic whore all game. You know who you are. You have a vagina, I don't care, stop being a busta.
celrose Apr 17, 2013 @ 11:04pm 
Honestly, you can just turn off your mic and not talk at all. Better idea is partying up with friends so you wouldn't have to deal with any creeps. This quote would help: "I don't believe in cyber bullying. Hurting? Then get off the internet." I have to admit it's true that you do get harassed because a girl player is one in a million, but frankly some girls play to get attention.

It's actually pretty okay if you didn't post this, but it's your opinion so (y)? :) But I have to agree on one comment, you're giving us a bad name here. Haha. Now guys would think we're whinny bitches. tsk.