83 ratings
Implement ALL the memes!
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Category: Miscellaneous
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0.088 MB
Oct 9, 2012 @ 9:33am
Oct 13, 2012 @ 2:13pm
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Description
After hearing these guards say those lines for the 1337th time, I started to think about what they are saying. Who's shooting the adventurers in their knees and why? Who's stealing all the sweetrolls and why? Why are the scimitars called scimitars when "curved swords" are much more descriptive? Why haven't the dragonborn met the guards' cousin yet?

If you are like me, stop asking yourself and hit subscribe! This mod adds a bunch of "missing easter eggs" that lets you encounter these memes as you explore Tamriel. In detail:

-- Version 1:
* A headquarter for the knee shooters, in a very secret place (hail Sithis!).
* A storage room for stolen sweetrolls, close to a book that explains the concept. Can be found with its thiefs.
* Changed the name of scimitars to curved swords.
* 7 new load screens.
* Various books in different places. Seen in pictures.
-- Version 2:
* Bug fixing.
-- Version 3:
* A letter from the guards cousin, held by the guards themselves.
* A chance to find a strange note when looting a dead dragon.
* The guards' cousins. One at Kynesgrove Burial Mound (found during main quest), one at Shimmermist Hills Burial Mound (close to Pale Imperial Camp).
* Bug fixing.
-- Upcoming:
* A reason why the guards cannot have their bellies full of mead.
* More books.

Works with and without Dawnguard and/or Hearthfire. Feel free to report bugs, spelling mistakes, or even new ideas.

Thank you for subscribing and long live Skyrim!

CAUTION: Milk drinkers with butthurt in the comments! Use any shrine in case of infection!
65 Comments
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ramoon1 May 26 @ 5:04am 
Lol "CAUTION: Milk drinkers with butthurt in the comments! Use any shrine in case of infection!" just lol
ladysedim May 9 @ 8:59pm 
teh guards say curved swords because they dont know the proper name of it, only how it looks. It's not like those Alikir fleabags are exactly holding public education classes about redguard weaponry heheheheh
Sentinel Sky™ Mar 8 @ 10:22pm 
@harrissaj Kill yourself, please, the world will be better without an unintelligent space-waster like yourself.
retro plays Mar 4 @ 10:26am 
thanks bro i need dis mod
much wow
Trinucleotide Jan 30 @ 8:08pm 
I don't get all these people complaining about the name change with the Scimitar.

The guards never use the term Scimitar, and this is based around guard dialogue memes.
TotallyNotCanadian Jan 15 @ 2:14pm 
imma firin mah wtf boooooooooooooooommmm
King Chaos Sep 30, 2013 @ 7:51pm 
ya iagree with GamerXL i always hear taht and i feel so bad cause i can enchant stuff so powerful and i love whiterun and i wanna make the guards like me
nightshot Jul 17, 2013 @ 9:23am 
Getting an arrow in the knee is nord slang for getting married.
R@zi€l93 Jul 6, 2013 @ 11:23pm 
I apologize in advance for writing this looong comment, I just thought this was in the "Reapetitive Guard Comments" category and couldn't resist wanting it to be crystal-clear. Can you make it so when a guard asks you to enchant his/her butter knife/sword it triggers a conversation with 3 choises:

1: You can give them a filled soulgem and get a slightly higher reward than the selling prize, telling them "Here, go se the Court Wizard" and he/she sais whatever "Thanks" phrase available to them, they go off towards the Jarl's Mansion, or maybe just thank you, but just say, he/she will go see the wizard after their shift.

2: You tell them something like "Sure" and you get a MQ where they escort you there, *saying nothing at all*, they give you their sword and wait for you to give it back with any enchantment on it, they thank you, and reward you with a smaller sum, and a skill-up for a random warrior skill.

3: Deny their request (duh) ;)