Although I've barely scratched the surface of this unique gaming experience, I get the feeling that Chair F*cking Simulator doesn't display any practice of safe sex with furniture in any way. I enjoy this game immensely and it seems that several other people do as well, so this is an opportune moment for you to do a great service to the furniture-f*cking masses and demonstrate some safety and responsibility, SoSorrySoft! I know of a couple of people in my life who didn't take precautions with the chairs that they f*cked and they are now saddled with the burden of having to raise the baby seats that they helped to conceive.

I had fun with this simulator, but please make an effort to encourage people to take precautions before they engage in intercourse with furniture, SoSorrySoft.

P.S.: In all seriousness, I nominated this game for the Sit Back and Relax award in the 2020 Steam Awards.


Edit on 1/9/21: Although I'm pleased to see that someone found my first draft of this review to be wholesome, I feel that it would be wrong not to review this game once again now that I've played it in its current entirety.

The game can become a bit tedious if you're trying to earn all of the achievements, but it made my Steam Wallet only 2 dollars lighter, so I don't suppose I can complain about that.

Now, some chair-f*ckers may like their erotic games to cut right to the chase and dive straight into the action. I'll admit that I also occasionally enjoy doing this, but most of the time, I prefer my erotic furniture-f*cking games to have a story behind them or at least an optional story-mode. I know that the character who we play as (who I've affectionately nicknamed "Loaf") is only looking for quick and casual hook-ups, but if I'm going to spend so much time playing as him, then I'd appreciate a story that helps me relate to him as a person. I'm pretty sure that this story takes place on Earth because I could've sworn that I saw a human watching me one time in the warehouse, so perhaps you could tell us a story about Loaf. Is Loaf an alien? Is he a sentient pillow who happens to be the last of his kind and can only feel some sense of companionship with other pieces of furniture? Is this a post-apocalyptic Earth where humans are either scarce or mutated? Does Loaf always go to the same warehouse because the smiling face on the building across from him is an idol of his god who he's trying to appease by performing all of these acts of chair-f*cking in front of it?

I really think that you've got a lot of material to work with that could be expanded upon in a meaningful way. I'm probably asking for a lot, but I think that more people would feel compelled to play the game in its entirety if there was a story to follow along the way.

Other than that, it's a decent game. My only gripes are a lack of a story mode, there is no mention or demonstration of safe sex with furniture and the mimic scared the crap out of me. 7.5/10.