Try as they will and
try as they might,
who steals me gold won't
live through the night.
A limousine?
What in the world has
gotten into you, Mr. O'Grady?
Just the start, my dear.
Just the start.
Take the last look at this dump.
Tomorrow we'll be
looking at mansions.
Mansions? Will you
listen to yourself?
And a limousine?
We've got no money for this.
Right inside.
Did the funeral parlor
deliver the package?
Aye. 'Tis on the porch
where they left it.
I don't want to touch it.
Will you tell me what's going
on here, Daniel O'Grady?
Will that be all, sir?
Joseph.
Bon voyage, captain.
Thank you very much, sir.
You have a nice evening.
Ma'am.
What's going on here is we're rich.
You were supposed
to bury your mother,
not send her ashes all
the way from Ireland.
- What are you going to do?
- It's not me mother's ashes.
Gold, Leah! Gold!
What in the Lord's name?
A pot of gold.
A wee person, a leprechaun.
I caught him and made him
show me where his gold is.
It's the rule, you know.
Aye, you're a drunken fool,
and a storyteller.
- It's the truth, I'm telling...
- There's a storm brewing.
I'm telling you the truth.
Come on to bed, now, and I'll
make you a pot of nice hot tea.
Leprechaun indeed.
Pot of gold. Whatever next?
Dan? Dan, is that you?
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb, little lamb
Mary had a little lamb
Whose fleece was white as snow
He followed her to school one day
School one day school one day
He followed her to school one day
Which was against the rules
I can't breathe.
Please open the suitcase.
I'm going to suffocate.
Do you like the gold
buckles on me shoes?
I want me gold now!
Oh, God, no!
Oh.
No problem.
I smell some tea brewing.
I hid the gold, Leah. We're rich now.
Where did you hide it, Dan?
Did you hide it somewhere
near the house?
Tell me where you hid the gold.
How did you find me?
The wee people have
their magical ways.
I knew it. What have
you done with my wife?
Oh. Oh, the poor lass.
I should've told her
to watch her step.
I got ya! It's my gold!
I'll fix him. I'll get him.
Your wife makes a fine pot
of tea, Danny me boy.
Where did you get that?
- I'll fix you, you bastard!
- No! No!
Here's what you'll get, you monster.
Get it away! Put it away!
I got the gold fair and square.
Them were the rules.
Catch me if you can!
You can't get away.
Looking for something?
What did you do?
You... You killed my wife.
Hello, Dan. I'm okay.
I just got a little kink in me neck.
I should have killed you when
I caught you in Ireland.
Give him the gold, Dan.
He's a nice little leprechaun.
I'll give you more than gold!
Your bullets won't stop me forever.
I'll keep coming back.
The power of this clover will
keep you in there forever.
Get that damn clover off this crate!
I told you you couldn't kill me.
Where's me gold, Danny me boy?
Oh, Danny, don't strain yourself now.
No, not gasoline.
You can't burn me. I won't let ya.
Don't strain yourself.
You're not as young
as you used to be.
You might have a stroke.
I curse ye for all eternity.
I traded me soul for me gold.
You'll trade your life.
If you give me me gold back...
I'll go away.
- Oh!
- Danny! What's wrong?
Burn in hell,
you little green bastard!
Did the match go out, Danny?
I say I need a four-leaf clover
One that's strong
and won't blow away
Won't you be my four-leaf clover
Be my lucky charm
that's here to stay
Dad, I'm still depressed.
I mean, come on.
Here I am in New Mexico
with my hick father
for the whole summer.
- Hey.
- No offense.
First of all, it's not New
Mexico, it's North Dakota.
Like it matters. All I care
about is it's not L.A.
Wait.
This is a joke, right?
This is our poor neighbor's house,
and then you're gonna
take us to our house.
Never judge a book
by its cover, honey.
Dad, this book doesn't
even have a cover.
I'm going to be miserable here.
There's no swimming pool.
There's no shopping malls.
There's no cable.
Bet you don't even have a TV.
Oh, this sure ain't Beverly Hills.
I can't wait to see this house.
Careful.
Oh, great.
Just when I thought this house
couldn't get any worse,
an old basement.
Well, great place to store all the
rocks and pinecones I'm gonna find.
Okay, okay. It's a little dusty.
I admit that.
Just clean it up a little bit,
splash some paint around.
Oh, God. You'll need to slap
some bulldozers around
to fix this place up.
Oh, God! Gross. Cobwebs.
You're making too big a
deal out of this, honey.
This is a great house.
I got a great buy on it.
Yeah, from who, Dracula?
How about I get a hotel
somewhere in town,
and you can come visit,
like, once a week?
- Hey, I'll pay for it.
- Tory, honey,
you really think money's all you
need to get by in this life?
Okay. I'll go with that theory.
Oh...
Dad! Do you see that spider?
It's huge. That thing could kill us.
Okay, I'm going to turn around and
I'm walking out of this basement,
and I'm going back up to the jeep.
I'm making a reservation at
the nearest hotel in town.
This is worse than summer camp!
I'd rather sleep in a tent!
Wait. Hold on. Hold on.
Hello? We're breaking up.
Wait. Okay. Okay. That's good.
Okay, hi. I'd like to
make a reservation.
Yes. I'd like it to be a really tall
room, and I want it to be very...
- Oh!
- Great!
Who are you?
I was a guy carrying
some paint thinner.
Oh, G... Okay.
Here. Does that cover?
Wait. Hold on a second.
You knock over my can
of paint thinner,
and then you offer me 20 bucks?
Okay. Okay.
How about that? Will that do it?
No.
But maybe if you said you were
sorry, you know, it might.
Okay. Here. Look, keep the change.
I'm in a really big hurry.
There's a big, ugly, disgusting house
I'd just like to distance myself from.
What, you mean this house here?
The O'Grady place?
Yeah, that place. It's really gross.
There's bugs. There's cobwebs.
God only knows what else is in there.
What's so funny?
Well, I just think it's
funny the way girls
are always afraid of spiders
and stuff, you know?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, wait a minute.
Did I misplace my 1950s
calendar here? Girls?
Listen, Bud. Okay, this is the '90s.
Women are treated equal.
Well, first off, my name
isn't Bud, it's Nathan.
And I don't know many guys
that are afraid of houses.
- Oh, is that so?
- Yeah.
Well, you know what? Neither am I.
I'm not afraid of anything.
- Okay.
- Right.
- Tory? Honey?
- Yeah?
- What?
- Let's go.
What are you talking about?
What are you doing?
I'm not gonna fight you anymore.
The house. You hate the house.
- No...
- It's dirty, it's dusty.
You really think I'm afraid of
a little dust and some bugs?
Come on. Just put
the bags back, okay?
I want to stay.
Dad, would you put the bags back?
I'm gonna stay.
Anyway, listen, listen.
It came right down out of the sky.
There it was,
this flying saucer.
Had these really weird
lights, you know?
And making all these weird noises.
Kind of like... Kind of like,
"boop boop boop boop..."
Ozzie, I thought you weren't
gonna tell any more stories.
This really happened, Alex. It did.
It's like magic, you know? Like...
Like, um...
Well, when you see
a star in the night sky...
the first star...
you can make a wish.
- It'll come true.
- Stop with the magic stuff.
And no more lies, okay?
How ya doin', boys? I'm J.D.
I just met your brother Nathan.
Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you.
This is my friend Ozzie.
- How you doin', Ozzie?
- Hi.
So, you boys need any help out here?
I'm afraid that our
liability insurance forbids
anyone but us handling
the tools and equipment.
But thanks for the offer.
Boy, I could go for a beer right now.
You're too little to drink.
Don't you ever,
ever drink that stuff!
- Hey, Ozzie, what's this?
- Hey!
Gotcha! Whoa! Let go!
Nathan?
Oh, geez, I'm sorry. You all right?
I was on that shelf, looking for tarps.
I didn't know you were down here.
I was jus