djc: Franklin tugged on the handle of his butterfly knife, the blade unrelenting as it lay stuck within the mass of tissue and veins. He pulled his gloved hands back, drawing the fingers to a point at the end of his chin.
“There must be some way...” He used his index finger to flick the end of the knife handle.
“AUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!” came the primal roar from the living specimen at Frank West's feet. The poor young soul, a lonely Canadian child named “Hildreth,” was lured from his home with promises of fame and fortune, if only he would devote himself fully to Mister West. And so he did – cooking, cleaning, laborious sexual slavery, he did it all. But he never expected the events of today to unfold...
Wake up, roll out of bed. Franklin slaps him in the face and pushes him to the ground. Binds his wrists and ankles to stakes in the hardwood floor. Strips his body clean of clothing. And that's when the knife made its first appearance.
“OoooOOOooooh.. what are you going to do with that, big boy?” asked Hildreth with a sincerity he did not know he was capable of. The months of indentured servitude to Mister West had taken their toll. Franklin drew his tongue across the blade of the knife and then back along the other side. He clutched his hand tightly around the handle and flipped it into a downward facing position, before jabbing his balled up fist downwards.
That was when the first scream came. Hildreth never expected the finely sharpened point to hit so deep inside of his body. In one swift motion, the blade ripped through the walls of both the small and large intestines and found their home deep within the belly. Mister West had torn his asshole anew, expanded and gaped it beyond any size that mere man could conceive of. Young Hildreth had collapsed from the pain, but this new twanging of the knife in his insides re-awoke him, re-alerted him to the trap he had let himself fall into.
“Ww....wh...whyyy...” The sound fought its way through parched, chapped, swollen lips. And Franklin's only reply was “They call me the rectal inspector for a damn good reason.”
ƒ²| Jake: yeah everything you say is good and i think everyone should just do it and i think most everyone thinks that way
Click Click Clique Click Click: Steam mobile has been crashing often and I checked the crash log Click Click Clique Click Click: Your name has so many aliases it's causing an overflow :V
[FgNOE2(L)] (or √E) takes spying as low as it possibly can. Not only do we expect our members to be terrible spies, but also terrible people. All of our members have under -250 spy hours and many don't even own TF2.
Spies such as Frank West, Lawnflamingo, and even DIE-NO are part of the group, and they're probably going to be rude to you. Deal w/ it.
We consider ourselves as "pros" but we don't actually have any idea what we're doing. One time we got a stairstab and we would NOT shut up about it.
"Together, we are a steam group!"
If you want to be in [FgNOE2(L)] there are 3 rules.
1. You can't be in e2, if you're in e2 you have to renounce your allegiance and then burn your commemorative e2 dinner plates.
2. You need to have -250 hours or less. That's right, we require NEGATIVE hours in spy. I qualify for this because I have -6000 hours in spy but I reset my hours.
3. You need to have NO IDEA what you're doing.
ALSO you can override these rules at any time by being invited and auditioning. Our auditions are singing auditions so you have to sing the entire score of the H.M.S. Pinafore.
Current spy hours:
Frank West: -6600
Foolmoron: 180-X where X is the amount of time his little sister has spent playing.
Miss Fail: 3.144444444444444
DarkNecrid: 400-e2 overconfidence*reddit pyro circlejerkers= -infinity hours.
Games recommended by Air Bud:Call Of Doggie Bark Ops _
I started to list the things I hate about this game but I ended up with a run on rambling paragraph that went on for about 300 words and I wasn't even close to done. Then I tired to write a more normal paragraph or two summing up the major problems, but there are just too many ways this game fails at all the goals it sets for itself that I honestly don't think I can go into any detail without writing a goddamn essay, so keep in mind for everything I complain about there are 20 I'm not even mentioning. It goes without saying that this game shares none of the feel or fun of the original two max paynes, but I wasn't expecting that, I was just hoping for a half decent game where you shoot people in the face.
The biggest problem is the writing, which is impossibly dogshit. I don't think I've ever seen the story of a game get in the way of a game this hard before. They'll interrupt gameplay to force max to do some stupid bullshit nobody could care about while monologuing without anything interesting to say or any interesting way to say it. Sometimes this leaves you with no ammo in your gun standing in front of bad guys as they walk up right into you, even though you should have had plenty of time to reload, take cover, and heal, because rockstar is so stuck up in making a movie they forgot they were making a game. At least some of this would be excusable if they'd made an acceptable story out of it, even if the original max paynes had great stories that only occasionally took you out of gameplay for brief moments. However, the movie they're trying to construct is ALSO fucking terrible. It has approximately one plot development, and if you don't see it coming from the third chapter you might be an idiot.
The gameplay blows too but it's at least a failure in the more ordinary manner of AAA games these days. Boring broken cover mechanics are force upon you in what is supposedly a fast paced action game. Bullet time, the signature gameplay element of the series and what SHOULD be taking center stage, isn't terribly useful. Shootdodging takes too much of your bullet time meter and often as not ends up getting you shot because of the clunky way max controls and moves. Free-form bullet time also uses pretty fast, and because everything is obnoxiously controlled by the physics engine it often takes half your bullet time meter just to bring up your gun and aim at someone. The physics system in general is really bad, it feels like I'm controlling a ragdoll, because I essentially am. Sometimes max wouldn't even aim where I was pointing because of the environment, and would instead aim next to where I wanted, or sometimes straight up in the air. In fact, sometiACTUALLY FUCK THIS, I DID IT AGAIN, I STILL HAVE LIKE AT LEAST 3 PARAGRAPHS IF I WANT TO FINISH THIS SHITTY REVIEW FUCK THIS GAME IT'S GARBAGE. final rating: 1/6 bullets in this revolver I'm going to play russian roulette with after writing this long a review.
"Hey, look, I'm Earth Defense Force, and I know you like shooting things until they die, so I put a buncha big things in here, and gave you a shitload of guns to shoot them with until they die. Who cares if all the ants look the same, they're fucking ants, you asshole. What, you want gameplay elements invented in the last 10 years? Fuck that shit."
Very basic, but very fun, and a good companion to serious sam 3. My only problem is that it's clearly designed for co-op play, and none of my friends will buy it (you assholes) It's still fun singleplayer, though.