I am the best

Zenon otherwise known as HAXOR!!!

Russian Federation 

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are won't to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

 

I am the Walrus. zamieszczono dnia November 16, 2009 @ 11:11am

Bunny Wtf

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Kopfjaegar zamieszczono dnia November 11, 2009 @ 9:05pm

its been too long nub

 

//RN// I Eat Chich zamieszczono dnia October 30, 2009 @ 8:51am

ЧЫЧ Ыс Tэц!!!!!!

 

[37th]BloodyBunneh zamieszczono dnia September 25, 2009 @ 2:27am

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####__________________________ ____###☆

 

[37th]BloodyBunneh zamieszczono dnia September 23, 2009 @ 1:14pm

.................…………………………._¸„„„„_
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"-„_::::_„-*__„„~"

 

{22nd} Titan Shoe zamieszczono dnia September 19, 2009 @ 3:28am

|^^^^^^^^^^^^|
|UGLY TRUCK | '|""";.., ___.
|_..._...______===|= _|__|..., ] |
"(@ )'(@ )""""*|(@ )(@ )*****(@

ONCE YOU'VE BEEN HIT, YOU HAVE TO HIT 8 PEOPLE! IF YOU GET HIT AGAIN YOU'LL KNO YOUR REALLI Ugly! IF YOU BRAKE THE cHAIN, YOULL BE CURSED WITH UGLYNESS FOR 10 YEARS SO PASS IT HIT WHO EVER YOU THINK IS UGLY"

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