8.9.9.102 (bring pubs)

First, I do a cross-check between visual stimulation, byte size, appearance in greyscale and negative, and of course, the 4chan timestamp.

At which time, if these criteria prove to be sufficiently arousing, I save the picture. At 11:30 PM GMT each day, I load the most appropriate image within my folder, and prepare to fap.

However, the way I fap is not the same as the way most people fap. I habitually have a boner at this point in time already. At this point, if the temperature is not already a smooth 72 degrees Fahrenheit, I adjust the thermostat accordingly. I then replace my regular computer chair with my leather fap-chair. Sitting in this chair, naked as the say I burst forth into this world screaming from the forehead of Zeus, I prepare for action. By the time I am comfortable and set, it is 11:40 pm GMT.

Then, I proceed to stare at the appropriate image for five minutes, tensing my crotchular muscles. This moves my boner to the "raging" status. At this point, I proceed to don a single white glove and begin to stroke. This, I perform for the next fourteen minutes.

At precisely 11:59 PM GMT, I press "play" on my sound system, a CD containing a masterful rendition of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" prepares to play at ear-shattering volumes. I strip the glove quickly before the CD begins, throwing it hastily out of sight. Should I fail to throw it far enough, I must stop the CD player before the pre-arranged five second silence is finished. That day, there will be no pleasure.

Should the glove be out of sight and out of mind, all is well. I sit back, and let the vibrations of sound finish the job. I stare at the only image that has yet fulfilled my criteria for arousal, and a glorious geyser of semen erupts from my penis, splattering every which way in the room. I sit in a half-conscious daze of joy for nearly half an hour before I prepare for the hour-long task of cleansing my computer room once again.

Even as I finish up, I hear the fading whispers in my delusional mind from the image which I stare at so deeply.

Now if you'll pardon me, I shall take my leave and indulge myself in delicious pudding confectionaries before it is time for self-pleasure.