SWM in under-paid job seeks dumpy neurotic for hustling, tepid sex, and mutual psychological torture. I enjoy smoking, drinking, pornography, petty theft, and self-righteous indignation. I was asked a while ago to list my personal morals, only to come to the stunning realization that I have none whatsoever. I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing useless facts, and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes. I'm 33, but look 55 and feel 69. It would be nice to be able to bounce thoughts and ideas off someone who isn't wearing an aluminum reflector hat. I'm not holding my breath, but I am looking for interesting conversation with someone that will not have to be quoted later on in a courtroom. It would be awesome if I won't hear after our date that you were rated "E" for everyone.
YOU: You are a whiny, dumpy neurotic with a misplaced sense of entitlement and lots of expectations.