I am opening a ranch.

This reporter is proud to be the first German-American, no American to bring schweinesteiging to the blessed US of A. Thank you, I ran out of room.

Many an American has asked, "What is den dem dang ol' Swinestiger HOOT???" Today, ladies and gentlemen, we will find out.

Last August this reporter was allowed the chance to visit my long lost German-farming-relatives. That's first generation German-American for German relatives.


My family took me many places, Upper-Germany, Lower-Germany, Upper-Lower-Germany, and Lower-Upper-Germany, It was the most efficient way of traveling the country, unless you went the Upper-Germany, Lower-Upper-Germany, Upper-Lower-Germany, Lower Germany route, or visa versa, but that would have been a total waste of our time as everyone does that, and I wanted to experience the real Germany, the Upper-Lower-Upper-Lower-Lower-Upper-Germany my grandma always told me stories of as a wee lad at her home in Canada.

In Lower-Upper-Germany is where I found it, schweinesteiging, the act of mounting a pig, usually whilst smiling. lI was so excited I almost didn't make it to Lower-Upper-Germany.

I vant zee German Schweinesteiger HUT!!!!!!!!