Dave   Hampshire, United Kingdom (Great Britain)
*DEAD* autism bomb : Where the fuck is the door []
Looking to play scout in open ETF2L
how i can get gud at scout ?
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Last Online 11 hrs, 21 mins ago
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^These items are not and never will be up for trade despite what the box says^

Official teacher mod on Jump Academy
In the top 1000 jumpers on TPN
Still shit at rocket jumping

Shite Poetry
Anal Virginity
A poem dedicated to Saps

A virgin's snatch is so forbidden,
A special treat once it is ridden.
But then again there is the rump,
A beautiful place to have a pump.
In your job you fall behind,
Can't keep that butt out of your mind.
Imagine being the first to gape,
An ass so firm like a grape.
Its sweet juices begin to flow,
So at the start just take it slow.
A lovely bottom you can't pass,
Just stick your dick inside that ass.
Sandwich your sausage between each bun,
And then the fun will have begun.
Split them wide and give a push,
The beauty of a virgin tush.

A poem dedicated to Kai

A girl you take back to your bed,
She takes a knee and gives you head.
A tingle runs along your spine,
She looks real good she looks real fine.
You hold your breath, try to go back,
Avoid that splurge straight from your sack.
A white ooze from your balls it flies,
The cum she wipes down from her eyes.
You feel the need to leave the room,
A good night out will end in gloom.
She packs her things and starts to leave,
You have one card left up your sleeve.
You beg and plead for her to stay,
Yet out the door she walks away . . .

A poem dedicated to Barry

All new Cillit Bang Grime and Lime,
Cleans so good it must be a crime.
Soap scum, limescale, grime, even rust,
I'm Barry Scott, I've got it sussed.
Use Universal Stain and Drain,
Germs and scum no longer a pain.
Lose your old multi-purpose cleaner,
That crap ruins your demeanour.
Cillit Bang is the way to go,
Try the penny test, you'll say woah.
Household chores won't ever drag on,
Because Bang! And the dirt is gone.

A poem dedicated to Tim

Today on the show, we will have,
An addict, a con and a chav.
Backstage is like Jobcentre Plus,
All our guests kicking up a fuss.
DNA results coming next,
Just who's the father? We're perplexed.
A lie detector, is he a cheat?
Is she the one full of deceit?
Pick up the phone, give us a call,
Grab your tracksuit, Reeboks and all.
Is this mother just in denial?
Find out today on Jeremy Kyle.

Jump Off
A poem dedicated to Appah

Have a bullet go through your head,
I really wish that you were dead.
Please kill yourself you fucking cunt,
I hope a bus gives you a shunt.
Go tie a rope around a tree,
Then hang from it so I can see.
Take your toaster and have a bath,
End your life, do it for a laugh.
Mimic the end of Lady Di,
Crash your car and then say goodbye.
Slit your wrists with a knife you goth,
Find a cliff and fucking jump off.

A poem dedicated to Blue

Steve Irwin was a fucking lad,
Like the rest of you, he was mad.
Aussies don't give a fuck at all,
Live with spiders and things that crawl.
Anything will kill you outback,
A croc will eat you for a snack.
A kangaroo will knock you dead,
Watch out for snakes where you may tread.
Drinking Foster's sat on the beach,
Huge great white sharks just at arms reach.
Even dingos can kill you maybe,
Or perhaps they'll take your baby.
And this is why I'll always wonder,
Why you live in the land down under.

A poem dedicated to a frog

Grab flour, water, eggs then mix,
Until the dough no longer sticks.
Heat the oven and then prepare,
The dough by kneading out the air.
Roll it out on a baking tray,
And in the oven it should stay.
Pull it out once it's golden brown,
Finally you can munch it down.


The worst roamer in TF2,
Carried very hard by his team.
Put on pocket because he threw,
In the end he became a meme.
Armed with Cow Mangler and gunboats,
At every mid his bombs are poor,
His old rec post is filled with quotes,
Saying "Where the fuck is the door?"

A poem dedicated to Ande

You're a spastic mong,
With a tiny dong.
A stupid paedo,
Looking like Greedo.
You always shoot first,
Because you're the worst.
I hope that you die,
Give a noose a try.
From the fatherland,
Must be Andemand.

A poem dedicated to Dits

Jump Academy is so cool,
It's the best rocket jumping school.
I like to learn to jump in game,
Without JA it's not the same.
I have lots of fun with jumping,
Because it is such a fun thing.
I can teach jumping to all my friends,
Not everyday though, it depends.
I think I would be a good mod,
Please consider me for the spot.

*Not all poems I have written are listed here as some are personal or just bad

Recent Activity

3,593 hrs on record
last played on May 26
0.2 hrs on record
last played on May 25
13.6 hrs on record
last played on May 22
500 XP
Stokvis ☑ May 23 @ 3:04pm 
I don't take spelled, killstreak, painted etc. as payment as I need some easy items or pure atm. Do you have something else to offer?
Dizzy ☆ May 19 @ 7:25pm 
+rep sexy loadout :D
Grief Alot May 7 @ 1:20am 
Yo, why did you leave? :(
Zielonyy May 2 @ 12:35pm 
+Rep One of The best jumpers and mods what i ever seen!
|| Mr.Melon || May 1 @ 1:58am 
+rep for no reason x3
Sorey Apr 28 @ 3:03pm 
+rep loves kkk music