I am George Washington, first president of the United States of America and Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army during the Revolutionary War. I single-handedly slaughtered the entire British army with my trusty minigun, resulting in the victory against England's forces and formation of the United States. Afterward, I reversed the attack and conquered their land, renaming it to the United Kingdom in our honor. I am the inventor of the personal computer. My homeboy, Colonel Sanders (my vice president during my eighth term in office), invented carbonated gravy and his signature FLG™ Sauce after I told him his chicken and mashed potatoes didn't have enough flavor. I am running in the 2016 presidential election for a sixteenth term. I promise to revive FDR and JFK if I am re-elected into office. My vice president will be William Corgwallis. My end-goal will be to conquer Greece, Mexico, and India by the end of my twentieth term, if I get another winning streak, that is. I also invented noscoping. I have over 400 trillion confirmed kills from duels in my record books, so don't challenge me unless you want my musket up your ass. My only child, Adolf Hitler, died in the War of 1812 because someone named Jesus Christ shot him in an alley during a drug deal gone awry. To this day, nobody knows the whereabouts of this man. If you have any information that can assist us in solving the investigation and bringing this monster to justice, call this number immediately: (336) 432-0386. Also, don't forget to vote #washington2016 this coming election!
We have lost. There is no reason that we were defeated in this election by Donald Trump. My retribution is inevitable. #washertons2020
IN MEMORY OF MARTHA STEWART July 4, 1776 – September 11, 2001 "Killed to death by accident."
IN MEMORY OF COLONEL SANDERS January 1, 1969 – December 0, ???? "But who was phone?"
Last updated: Jun. 24, 2017 • My name is Logan. • If I give you any attention, I'm likely your friend. Otherwise, I probably don't care for you. • I enjoy all genres of music, excluding country. My favorite is heavy metal. • Magic: The Gathering is my favorite card game. • My favorite video game system is the PlayStation. • I have a SoundCloud[soundcloud.com], in case you want to use it for meme value. (Like my YouTube channel, I never upload there, and when I do, you should probably be scared of the content.) • I spend way too much time fucking around, but then again, who doesn't? • Don't ask to trade me, because I won't (unless you're a cool kid). • I stream on Twitch[twitch.tv] sometimes. • Interrobang is the best name for a punctuation mark. • Some of my close friends and I are in a group known as Trash Collectors , which I made for group gaming purposes among ourselves. • I'm pansexual and panromantic. Tits and cock are both great. Ass is the best part though. Most importantly: If you have an issue with me, just fuck off. Seriously. You're a waste of time and space.