Vagina: no its not a clown car. ( :

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room

I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity

He who laughs last didn't get it.