Paris 1346 A.D.:

Derek The Great and Matt The Conquer are the best of friends. Swore only to each other, they ravage the country of France, destroying villages and raping their residents... HARD rape.

Paris 1355 A.D.:

Finally caught and thrown into jail and facing execution, Derek and Matt's friendship is stronger than ever. Many nights they would sit and hold each other, plotting a plan to escape.

Paris 1360 A.D.:

On a cold December night, they escape from the dungeon by dressing as drag queens and giving BJ's to the guards. SUCCESS! The two men escape to the United States of America.

July 1861 The First Battle of Bull Run:

Derek being a man of the North and Matt being a man of the South were ripped away from one another when Civil War broke out amongst the States. The pair's worst fears were realized when they came face to face with eachother on a field near Manassas. Muskets in hand, the two men locked eyes. Bound by duty and an oath sworn to their country, Derek and Matt, aimed their muskets at eachother and pulled the triggers. To this day, they don't know if it was pure chance or something from a higher power that caused their weapons to jam. The men threw down their arms and ran to eachother. The sounds of musket and canon fire filled the air, but the only thing they heard at that moment were the other's gentle, muffled sobs as they embraced.


Michigan-Virginia 2009:

Today Derek and Matt are so close, they could be considered lovers... but not really because knights aren't gay. Today they dominate in Team Fortress and feed the sick and poor.


Sunday, October 4 2009: A Dark Day

A heated dispute over battlefield tactics threatened to break up this mighty duo and change the face of Team Fortress forever. The following day, the two buried the hatchet and now their non-gay friendship bond is stronger than ever.