29
Products
reviewed
1318
Products
in account

Recent reviews by Krylo

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Showing 1-10 of 29 entries
12 people found this review helpful
8 people found this review funny
7.0 hrs on record
I imagine the waiter letting out a sigh as he pulls up yet another tray of dead oven rats from the food delivery shaft and places them on the pie stands. We don't even disguise them as pies because the customers don't care. Plus, I'm not the chef anymore, the cat is. Little guy sources the rats too, a most reliable employee. All I do is move them from the oven to the food shaft while the tailor upstairs stands around. I could basically retire and leave the whole enterprise to my small black child waiter (slave) and the cat. Why even bother killing people? 10/10 The Good Old Days.
Posted May 11, 2022. Last edited July 2, 2022.
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3 people found this review helpful
0.4 hrs on record
I was converted to the poultry republic after hearing 10,000 chickens cackling on a field. That was one hell of a war-cry. They also slew the Velociraptors.
Posted January 29, 2021. Last edited February 5, 2021.
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15 people found this review helpful
16 people found this review funny
2
2
3.3 hrs on record (1.1 hrs at review time)
I open the game and it's Monday. There's a piggy bank in my room so I take all the money ($5.00). As soon as I leave my room I'm in Kindergarten and some thumb-looking bully sniffs out and demands my money. Well, I'm not a sucker and this isn't my first rodeo. I'll make a stand against this Chad I tell myself and proceed to hit the "Nope" dialogue. He suddenly beats me until blood comes pouring out my face. "You died". Wow. Okay then! That was hardcore. Let's restart...
Monday again. I take less money so I don't get brutally murdered and talk to someone else. He talks about a 'Billy' who went missing so I press for information. The kid gets emotional and calls for me to be sent to the principals office (fair enough I guess?). I ask the principal who Billy is but he gets shifty. He offers me drugs to help forget about Billy... wtf. I'm a kid aren't I!? I'm not taking pills from the shifty-eyed principal who's office rug is suspiciously leaking red liquid. I tell him "Nah, keep your pills". He proceeds to bust out a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ magnum and shoots me squarely in the forehead. Blood comes oozing out and "You died". Wow.
Thank you Dark Souls!

That. Was. Awesome.
10/10 realistic Monday simulator.
Posted June 30, 2020.
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5 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
11.5 hrs on record
Minimises and crashes on launch, the forums are full of reports but no answers. This game is like a bad relationship, I got to the second area then it just stopped responding and didn't return my calls. 0/10
Posted December 28, 2018. Last edited December 31, 2018.
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4 people found this review helpful
18.4 hrs on record
It's like chess but instead of one queen you have three Panzer Tanks
Posted June 18, 2018. Last edited June 18, 2018.
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4 people found this review helpful
0.5 hrs on record
I wonder whether the positive reception is for nostalgia's sake or if people actually played this 'modern' version and somehow came to the conclusion it was good. It plays like bits and pieces of assets glued together without forethought. There's almost something sinister about the NPC's rigidity and how everything is so flat on delivery - it honestly could've been made by a robot mocking the human experience.

I'd guess this version is true to the 80's original and that's probably what makes it so bad. The devs didn't take the opportunity to make this palateable for the modern day. When you slap a re-skin on something that hasn't aged well to begin with, the flaws become absolutely glaring.

It says a lot when you recoil from pointing & clicking in a point & click game. If you're new to the franchise or expect value here, just... stay away. If you came for nostalgia, know you could reminisce about almost anything else the 80s had to offer and it would be better than playing this.
Posted June 16, 2018. Last edited December 11, 2018.
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9 people found this review helpful
23.3 hrs on record (22.4 hrs at review time)
Great return to 3D platforming of the early 2000's.

Oddly enough the times where it's at its worst is when it's trying to ride the nostalgia trip. Characters are constantly jabbing at the 4th wall with what amounts to an excessive amount of meta commentary. Aside from this breaking immersion, it almost seems like these jokes are a nervous reaction to the game not being confident with its own mechanics. The retro arcade is an afterthought of forced-in mini games supposed to act as a tribute to classic arcades, and it does sort of achieve that but the sequences tend to overstay their welcome. Nobody wants to stop the action to play copter for 5 minutes, 30 seconds would be long enough. Not to mention once you've played a minigame, the NPC demands you play it a second time for another collectible... why? Finally, the Hub World is an unnecessarily windy maze of corridors; the very first thing a Hub needs to be is a small empty room with doorways connecting to the other worlds (e.g. Crash Bandicoot), the very last thing it needs to be is a windy maze from one world to the next, especially when backtracking with powerups is an inherent aspect of the game. To be clear, Yooka-Laylee's Hub has a lot of charm and it does open doorways to shorten your travel distance, but at times it is simply frustrating and/or confusing to navigate.

What annoys me most about Yooka-Laylee is that it's such a wonderful experience, you find yourself lost in it's big colourful worlds until an NPC snaps you back to reality to poke fun at its own limitations or comment how dreadful retro games are. It runs away with such creative characters and world designs, excellent platforming mechanics, and is brimming with vibrance and charm. To me those comments are almost apologetic, like someone who feels caught-out for having too much fun.

At this point I've probably overplayed the negatives. Honestly, this is a true and honest return to classic 3D platforming, despite what a handful of internet critics might tell you. I've never been closer to the days of Xbox and PS2 than I was playing through this, it was surfacing fond memories of Voodoo Vince and Psychonauts. Frankly, if Yooka-Laylee's dialogue was as strong as the latter this would easily be GOTY for me.
Posted June 6, 2018. Last edited June 6, 2018.
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7 people found this review helpful
9 people found this review funny
39.3 hrs on record
>Decide to try some romance
>go on a few dates
>do karaoke with girl #1
>visit park with girl #2
>hack camera with girl #3
>#2 discovers I did hacking with #3
>cheats on me for revenge (we're in a relationship?)
>I find out, follow her
>confront her
>she dumps me
>mfw all I did was sing karaoke and hack cameras
>mfw #3 hasn't even told me her name yet
>beat #2 to death
>drive her car into a river
>theperfectcrime.jpg
>drive home
>realise I'm still alone
10/10 just like real life
Posted March 3, 2018. Last edited December 1, 2019.
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9 people found this review helpful
9.0 hrs on record
As you might guess, The Caribbean Sail lends itself to an oldschool title of a similar name - The Oregon Trail. It carries that same spirited adventure into a setting of Pirates and sailing the treacherous sea. Remember dysentery? Well it's back. Everyone gets dysentery in this game.

There's a lot of charm here and the developer is genuinely nice and receptive to feedback. Updates are still coming at the time of this review and with the recent expansion, $5 is certainly fair.

Edit: This review and the price mentioned herein aren't a true reflection of the game anymore. Caribbean Sail has evolved into an almost entirely new experience over the development cycle and crafted its own identity from it's beginnings as an Oregon Trail clone. I think this is now an even better game worthy of the increased asking price.
Posted January 13, 2018. Last edited December 24, 2020.
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2 people found this review helpful
2.9 hrs on record
More of a thematic experience than its predecessor but just as rewarding. I love the ambience and willingness to provide more unique 'room' settings for the player than just dark caves.

Unfotunately the IOS port is fairly obvious: the one time you're in an open atmosphere, the map corners are visible and you can easily spot where the horizon falls into nothingness. Small complaint for an otherwise excellent game.
Posted January 4, 2018. Last edited July 6, 2018.
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Showing 1-10 of 29 entries