kona
ms. wallaby   Syrian Arab Republic
 
 
Nice icebreaker, you've got her full attention by talking about a videogame. She'll never string you on for a few days until you become uninteresting while getting pounded by Chads that started conversations with "wats up"



my sticker showcase is called "The New American Gothic"
Currently Offline
Last Online 7 hrs, 24 mins ago
Achievement Showcase
2,753
Achievements
6
Perfect Games
24%
Avg. Game Completion Rate
Favorite Game
10.3
Hours played
3
Achievements

Recent Activity

0.8 hrs on record
last played on Sep 19
1.8 hrs on record
last played on Sep 18
12.5 hrs on record
last played on Sep 18
Joseph O. Possum Jul 2 @ 4:34pm 
Yeah, the tank controls are kind of clumsy, but it's got character and makes conflicts tense. Just the way enemies react when you shoot them in the leg or the arm is done in such a solid way that some games today don't even get right. It's got the right amount of cheese, atmosphere, callbacks, adventure, and overall feel. It feels right. It feels like the developers of the game were born to make it, like no matter the corporate need for the product, these guys were going to make the fucking game they wanted, and it was awesome.
Joseph O. Possum Jul 2 @ 4:34pm 
You assess your surroundings: it seems that you landed on a highway interstate where a Black Lives Matter protest was being held. You crash directly into the center of it, causing several casualties, injuries, and mass panic. Not wanting to be blamed for the incident, you quickly try to blend in with the crowd by shouting things like, "Down with white racist oppression," and "Pinch my white cheeks. I'm a white boy faggot." You manage to stumble away from the crowd and call yourself an Uber back home. The Uber driver tries to make an uncomfortable conversation about the time he saw Def Leppard in the 80's and did coke with them backstage. You rate him one star once you arrive home.



You've finally made it back to your home base. After all that mayhem and carnage, you can finally rest. You go into your room, dust off your Gamecube, and pop in your copy of Resident Evil 4. Man this game is fucking good, even by today's standards.
Joseph O. Possum Jul 2 @ 4:34pm 
You see the cop in your rear view mirror trying to hit the ramp at a weird angle. His car flips through the air at insane speeds before exploding into a blazing inferno. That man had a family. You breathe a satisfying breath of relief before realizing that you're still flying through the air from that tight ass ramp jump. Before you can ponder this, you come crashing down, smashing and crashing. The loudest sound you've ever heard. And then nothing. Complete darkness.

Are you dead? Is this really how it all ends? Was the pursuit of meaningless sex with dumb cunts really worth it? Did you even have fun? Before you can answer these questions, you're shocked back to life. Your eyes shoot open.



Jesus Christ, you're alive. Everything is in immense pain and you're not sure if your arm is facing the right away, but you're still alive. How is this possible? You manage to stumble to your feet and realize that you were thrown from your car on impact.
Joseph O. Possum Jul 2 @ 4:33pm 
Red and blue lights flash in your rear view mirror - it's the copsPanic sets in and you contemplate whether you should comply and pull over or risk everything and hit the gas. You're no pussy: you've been goldpilled. You push the gas pedal to the floor and start to peel out in a loud and obnoxious cloud of radiator smoke. The chase is on. You're shifting every gear possible on your super modified Toyota Corolla. You modified it to have 25 extra gears, because you need to hit all the mph that you can, slamming the shifter back and forth, up and down the shift plate. Damn, that looks cool. Damn, that looks sick.



The cop is right on your tail. This good old boy isn't going to let you get off easy. You shift into twenty-third gear and hit a makeshift ramp made out of boxes and planks of wood going 175 miles per hour. You're soaring through the air; you feel weightless, like you're in slow motion, like every second is taking hours to pass.
Joseph O. Possum Jul 2 @ 4:33pm 
As you look at this half-naked cum slum, you have a moment of clarity. Why am I doing this? Why have I devolved to such an animalistic and primal pursuit for women who have no respect for me, let alone themselves? This is fucked up. What the fuck are we doing here? There are like 75 or 85 people out there, all with hopes and dreams and ambitions and goals, poisoning themselves with alcohol, sloppily trying to thrust their sweaty privates on one another. Who the fuck are we? What are we fucking doing? Jesus Christ, we're all fucking monsters. We are the monsters. Holy fuck, man.



You quickly gather your armor and stat-boosted weapons and leave the party in a hurry. You drive your super modified 2002 Toyota Corolla in a guilty haze through the backroads of your shitty suburban county. You're in such a tizzy that you don't even realize you're going 50 mph over the speed limit and drifting around the bends of the road.
Joseph O. Possum Jul 2 @ 4:33pm 
Now that he is back at full health, you'll need to get a powerful strike blow on him. Use your special ability Sword of a Thousand Dark Knights. This will unleash a thousand black men into the battlefield who will all scream at Gavin that he is a pussy white bitch who will never be a real nigga and should get on with his crusty ass white boy sneakers. This will send Gavin into a fit of self-hating rage that will cause him to explode into an awe-inspiring white light. You have defeated Gavin.

With that out of your way, you can claim your prize, which would be that drunk ass ho, slobbering all over herself atop the washing machine. She should be in a near-comatose state from all the Smirnoff Ices she drank, which was only like four. It doesn't matter if she isn't coherent enough to agree to have sex with you, as you have won the battle, so her warm bits are basically your property now. You take this dumb, broke ass bitch to a random bedroom in the apartment and begin to undress her.