The secret nature of the Soviet Penguins disallows any knowledge of the nature or intent of the Guild or even it's existance. Knowledge of any of this by any member of nonmember is reason for immediate execution in the most humiliating way available at the time. All members of the Soviet Penguins are required to faithfully carry out this duty to the best of their abilities, and should those abilities not be sufficient they are expected to exceed them. No Member of the Soviet Penguins is permitted under any circomstance to speak with any person, member or nonmember, of the inner workings of the Soviet Penguins and as such is banned from any knowledge of the inner working.

Should the Penguin ever contact you directly you will respond with the utmost in politeness and awe befitting someone that is as low as mold growing on Charles Manson's feet being approached by the almighty mascot, leader, and God of the Soviet Penguins. You will remain in awe at all times and will remain silent until addressed by the Penguin in such a way that requires response. Under no circumstance will you act as a sniveling prolitariate fangirl and screech in a glass shattering pitch and volume nor shall you in any way try to glomp, hug, or otherwise touch the Penguin. Being so awed by the awsomeness of the situation that your head spontaneously explodes from sheer awsomeness of being in the presence of the Penguin is acceptable as long as none of your matter should befoul or otherwise touch or even come near the Penguin.