Hmm...
Wendell Shelton
Zhoucheng, Yunnan, China 
Hello? Yes come in. What? No, there are no feral stoats here. Yes, I'm Sure. No, no rats either. Sir, a guest will be arriving any moment, so why don't you leave. No? You don't want to have a row with me. No I'm not threatening you. Please, put down the cricket bat. Look, lets take this outside, if you please. Ha! I've got you now! See, now you're on the opposite side of my front door. Bet you can't hit me now. Oh.... Well, that wasn't kind to say. My mother would never do anything of that sort. Proof? What a preposterous... What? Call her? Alright! Just don't break the door. I'll call her. Will that settle things? Alright. It's ringing. Ah, damn, its engaged. Yes, I'm telling the truth. Why would i lie about something so trivial? Well that hardly... What? Kittens? If i give some kittens, will you leave? Hmm, no, i don't believe i do have my weight in kitten feces. Why? Oh. That's... That's disgusting. Can you please leave. You're already on the other side of the door, just walk away. Fine... I'll get my check book. WHAT! Im sorry sir, but I'm not prepared to give a complete stranger ₤400. Get to know you? Well, you can't expect me to be cordial to a person who comes in demanding animal bits and money. Philip? Can you hear me? Don't speak to this man, he is a complete loony, Philip. What? How do you two know each other? Really? I told you going to the pub more than twice a week was a bad idea. Yes I'm sure he's a bad sort of fellow. He was demanding cat feces and said he needed ₤400. Minister of State for Public Health? That's a complete lie and you know it. You know what? I'm getting my shotgun. I don't care if it's illegal to own. Yes, thats right, you'd better leave.
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