phae would like to begin by pointing out that he is writing in the third person. phae is sure that the reader would have managed to deduce as much without him clarifying but nevertheless insists on the previous sentence's inclusion because phae is sometimes a pedantic lump of odorous bodily discharge who finds it hard to convey to his peers anything beyond the suggestion that he has opposable thumbs. It should, at this point, be obvious to the reader that phae is fond of self-deprecation.
If the reader cares about this sort of thing, phae's interests [in no particular order] include playing video games, reading novels of a strain that make up a very small percentage of the profits for his local bookstore, European and Asian history, archaeology, international relations, foreign policy, browsing Reddit, crafting the odd poem or short story, worldbuilding, and partaking of the comically polarizing medium of Japanese animation. phae is currently a history major at a somewhat prominent Midwestern university and is sure that the pastimes listed above will only grow more precious to him as a result of the inevitable increasing brevity of partaking of them brought on by activities such as writing academic papers and researching scholarly material to advance said papers.
phae has grown tired of writing about himself because it is not something he usually spends his time doing. phae apologizes. Before the reader navigates away from this page, phae would like to encourage them to attempt to spark some conversation either in the comments section of this page or in a Steam chat. Topics useful for starting conversations with phae include theories regarding historical correlations between patrician transgenderism and economic growth, ravings on the evolution of the political structure of the United States toward the incompetence promulgated by its present two-party system, OOPArts, and Dan Abnett's bibliography.
There once was a faggot named Phae; Who was so incredibly gay. His decision to come out, Was marked by a shout, "I love being fucked by long black dicks."
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I've only played a few minutes worth of this quaint little indie game, but I see where it's going to take me—and oh, do I like it.
If Super Meat Boy was your cup of tea, you'll know pretty quickly what you're getting into with this title. Precision puzzle platforming is alive and well, and They Bleed Pixels goes so far as to add a surprisingly deep combat system (which connects, uniquely and superbly, to the frequency of stage checkpoints) into the mix. Throw in some really fantastic (and I mean that in both senses of the word) pixel art, animations that flow like water, great level designs, and the promise of future bonus content to supplement what copious extras are already here, and we have a clear winner.
If you enjoyed the 2008 HL2 mod, I can guarantee you'll fall in love with this update. In revisiting the title that put them on the indie map, thechineseroom sought to "fulfil its true potential", and, indeed, some might say they did more for Dear Esther than it deserved. Regardless, Robert Briscoe's vistas are a sight to behold, doubly so because mapping in Hammer is like painting with a chainsaw. As if the eyecandy wasn't worth the price of admission, Pinchbeck's disjointed, loaded prose is as beautiful as ever, and Curry's acclaimed soundtrack has received some polish.
Make sure you go into this "game" knowing what it is. Dear Esther has long been at the vanguard of the "Can games be art?" debate; and though the constraints and quirks of the interactive medium might have rendered Pinchbeck's impressive vision lifeless (an experimental film would have been more adequate), its sublime aesthetics make it worth experiencing.
See Phae, I thought that I had
Removed all the fags.
Who was so incredibly gay.
His decision to come out,
Was marked by a shout,
"I love being fucked by long black dicks."
Who loved to watch Naruto all day.
He got his dick out,
And started to shout,
"Thank god I'm so fucking gay!"