Dave The Weird Wizard
Evan   Ireland
'I've a feeling that every single class main hates themselves but tries to hide it behind lenny faces and "git gud" binds. Except for Medic mains. They can't even hide it. They play Medic, that just shows how much they hate themselves.
Heavy mains are just adorable though.' - Deathaster, on r/TF2. https://www.reddit.com/r/tf2/comments/5ij92m/a_pyro_mains_flawless_reasoning/

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Wizarding Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret magic rituals for Cthulhu as well as other deities, and I have over 300 confirmed successful rituals. I am trained in Pyromancy and I’m the top Pyromancer in the entire Badlands. You are nothing to me but just another mortal. I will wipe you the fuck out with ruthlessness the likes of which has never been seen before in this plane of existence, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Necromancers across the USA and your nearest graveyard is being raised from the dead right now so you better prepare for the storm, mortal. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, muggle. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s without my spellbook. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the ever burning, furious infernos of the deepest depths of Hell itself and I will use them to its full extent to immolate your miserable soul off the face of the plane of existence, you shit. If only you could have known what eldritch retribution your little “muggle” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price with your soul, you muggle. I will shit magic all over you and you will melt in it. You’re fucking dead, mortal.

Guy who generously made the Pyro profile picture I used:

Guy who made the pixel pyro I use: http://steamcommunity.com/id/Alextheai

LATE NIGHT WITH DICK JONES!: Yeah. UR posting all we say to the game, which I could do easily. You want me.....then you logoff and we set it up here. Otherwise, you're a fucking keyboard tough guy with no balls ( like I already knew you were) so..the choice is yours: either logoff and we get you here....or keep hacking on TF2*, which is pathetic. Your choice, make it now.
LATE NIGHT WITH DICK JONES! is now playing Team Fortress 2. Click here to join.
LATE NIGHT WITH DICK JONES!: And in 3..............................2...............................1..........................................................
LATE NIGHT WITH DICK JONES!: And that's just typical. Can I call it or can I call it? You're a pussy all safe and sound behind your keyboard. LOLOLLLOL! Typical scumbag coward. Stay "strong", tough guy. YOu couldn't handle meeting me face to face anyway. You'd end up face down, bleeding. LOLOLOLOLOLOL! I'll say hello to your mom's pussy, bitchboy! OUT!

*Editor's note: No, I was not hacking in TF2. This guy got set off because a phlog instakilled him, which he called 'hacks' (protip: you can't change your damage with hacks). He basically said he'd 'fite me irl', and I obliged. Of course, I wasn't actually planning to fly over to America, and was instead humoring the server with this enjoyable display. Then he had a bit of a meltdown when I wouldn't, lost his composure, and that happened. He quit the server afterwards.

Took him two months to remove me from his friends list.

Currently Offline
Last Online 2 hrs, 38 mins ago
The Infernal Laws of Eldritch Horrors! AKA Rulebox. OF TERROR!
Pub Pyro main, with a bit of Medic and Heavy on the side. If I did anything during a game that you've come to my profile to rage about, apologies. Now for some ground rules!

I don't appreciate racism, sexism, homophobia, heterophobia, or any sort of discrimination. Please do not use any offensive slurs like 'n****r' or 'f****t' around me because I'll probably get really triggered and rant about how un pc people are. Unless you're part of that minority the slur is targeted towards to I guess that's okay I mean it's still gonna trigger me a little but you get what I mean

Speaking of having my head up my ass, I'd appreciate it if you didn't come to my profile just to shit on one of my mains. If you friend me only to start spamming 'pyro takes no skill' or something like that, I'll probably just unfriend you. You have been warned!

https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffer/new/?partner=290329740&token=6cQr1HRI for donations/trade offers/eldritch offerings etc.

Please don't invite me to play stuff. Nine times out of ten I'll decline unless you're especially close to me and I'm not busy (note: assume 'online' means busy, since I never change that status thing). Also, nothing in my inventory, unless it's listed on my backpack.tf [backpack.tf] is for sale. No exceptions. Continue spamming trade offers and I will simply be forced to block you. Again, you have been warned!

If you're going to add me, and I don't know you offsite/from a server I frequent, then please explain why you're adding me in my comments. If you're adding me in case you want to trade (and don't want to use backpack.tf for whatever reason) then simply use the link above rather than going through the rigmaroll of adding and inviting me to trade. Also, no accounts under level five UNLESS I know you from off-site.

Yes, in case you knew me at the time, I am the Exotic Pyroshark. I don't usually change my name (not counting 'festive' or 'spooky' variants, etc) and if I do then chances are it'll still retain the name 'Dave' in it.

I appreciate you taking the time to read my rules rather than lazily skim through them (unless you skipped to the bottom ) So, in GabeN's words; 'Thanks, and have fun!'.

Recent Activity

2,240 hrs on record
last played on Nov 22
2.0 hrs on record
last played on Nov 22
19.4 hrs on record
last played on Nov 13
Alex The AI Nov 17 @ 10:46am 
You can slap my knees anytime bby
helipektiker Nov 9 @ 1:43pm 
nice trap. would lick again
Alex The AI Sep 20 @ 9:26am 
Take a bath
el yogurt. Sep 19 @ 8:43am 
big smelly
Cake (YJS) Aug 30 @ 3:00am 
Thanks for the key :)
w' Mental Aug 19 @ 4:31pm 
God med