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I luuuuuuv video games

Ken

Chicago, Illinois, United States

I've been kicking around in the big leagues since Abner Doubleday first saw me hitting rocks with a treebranch and decided to make a game out of it. My career highlights include hitting 43 home runs in one game, striking out Babe Ruth, Joe Dimaggio, Ted Williams, and Barry Bonds consecutively, and winning the first Super Bowl on a Hail Mary pass that I ran down the field and caught myself. I also am proud to say that I invented the batting glove one day by wearing my golfing glove to batting practice. I also invented the golfing glove. A lot of people don't believe this story because they say, "Hawk, why would you need batting practice? Didn't you pretty much hit it out of the park every time you came up to bat?" And I tell 'em, "Daggummit, I sure as heck did, but that don't mean I ain't gonna help my fellow Carmines out with some hitting tips."

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