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33 of 89 (37%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
Unlocked Jul 16, 2015 @ 8:31pm

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked Aug 24, 2015 @ 3:59am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked Jul 16, 2015 @ 9:26pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked Aug 24, 2015 @ 4:03am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked Jul 16, 2015 @ 9:24pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked Jul 17, 2015 @ 11:51pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked Aug 24, 2015 @ 4:47am


Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 12:12am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 1:06am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 5:29am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 6:55am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 5:25am


Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked Jul 17, 2015 @ 11:43pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 6:47am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 1:30am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked Aug 25, 2015 @ 12:22am


Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 5:32am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked Aug 25, 2015 @ 12:09am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked Aug 24, 2015 @ 3:58am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 12:20am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked Jul 19, 2015 @ 5:18am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked Jul 16, 2015 @ 9:29pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked Jul 16, 2015 @ 8:36pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked Aug 24, 2015 @ 4:24am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked Jul 17, 2015 @ 11:46pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 12:09am


Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 1:00am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked Aug 26, 2015 @ 6:56am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked Feb 12, 2017 @ 8:55pm


Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked Feb 12, 2017 @ 9:51pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked Feb 13, 2017 @ 5:17pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked Feb 12, 2017 @ 8:51pm

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked Feb 13, 2017 @ 4:31pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Gay

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
2 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
9 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
4 / 30

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
25 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
0 / 10

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
6 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
0 / 3

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
18 / 30

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
29 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
1 / 30


Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)


Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.


Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
17 / 30


Spent $5,000 on vending machines.
1,900 / 5,000

Reddit's Famous Double Dong

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
19 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.


Kicked 30 people in the balls.
1 / 30

13 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked