Why hello there, sonny boy!
The name's Sanders. Harland David "Colonel" Sanders.
Louisville, Kentucky, United States 
I done lost touch with some customers when this whole 'internets' thingamajig came along. I thought: "I needs me a slice of this digital pie." Week later, big feller with a pair of round glasses came in, bought 38 buckets of chicken, and told me 'bout this here 'Steam'. I been at it for a while now, and I feel obligated to say, Steam is right pleasing.
Either way... Now that I'm 'up in da hizzouse' with my vidya-game playing home-slices, how 'bout ya'll mosey on down to KFC?
Bring money.
"It's Finger Lickin' Good!"™
My Website - Complete with all the Trimmings. 
My Sales Pitch
A Little About Me
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This here is one of the best stealth games the Colonel ever did play. Now, I ain't gonna lie to you; it's old. But soup up this ol' girl with this here new-fangled 'modding guide', and it'll knock you onto your keister! http://tinyurl.com/2f7qw4t
This title's got it all: great voice acting, an immersive environment, pivotal choices which change the story, extensive character customization and leveling options...
But, as a southern gentleman, I feel obligated to say - it's downright irresponsible. This title communicates some dangerous ideas. Speakin' nonsense 'bout things like the "Illuminati", "Majestic 12", and "Area 51".
All of this is fictitious. Complete hooey. Take it from me; "Area 51" does NOT exist, and I do NOT procure ANY of my food supplies from there.
Ahem.
Helluva game, this one. Think it's about dressin' up, or somesuch. Got a whole heap of nutty garments for the young'uns.You can get into a good match of fisticuffs every once and a while, too. Big feller with the gatling gun's good for that; stout as a mule!
Don't you go whipping out your penny-purses yet though, ladies! It's like I always say: never trust a dress-up game that lacks a proper string-tie. What's a southern gentleman to do without one? I'm gettin' right flustered, here!
Phooey.
Driving an honest-to-god, good old-fashioned steam locomotive... This here "sim-u-lat-or" brings the ol' Colonel back to simpler times. Times when you could use as much lard as you wanted in your cooking. Times when the FDA wasn't hounding you about sanitation practices. Times when you could just FRY UP a damned CHICKEN without some crazy-ass hippie who's hooked on the devilweed tying herself up in front of your restaurant screaming about animal rights while lambasting your customers about their moral disposition!
Hells' bells... I seem to have lost my train of thought. Heh.
Like I said, game's about trains. Buy it.
>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>>>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>>>>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>>>>>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>>>>>>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>>>>>>>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>ICARUS HAS FOUND YOU!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>>>>>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>>>>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>>>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
>RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
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