★★★★★

Director Andy Schatz realizes his vision of creating a Slapstick comedy disguised as a David Mamet thriller. Follow the mishaps of a bumbling crew trying to hit it big on the French Riviera. An all star cast includes George Clooney (The Gentleman), Christina Hendricks (The Redhead), John Leguizamo (The Hacker) and Randy Savage (The Cleaner) with many more surprise guests! A multi-layered narrative cleverly unravels the intrigue behind the group as it builds and performs daring heists.

Monaco: What's Yours is Mine gives thrill seekers the intense highs and lows they've come to love from their favorite heist movies while appealing to those outside the genre with its lightheartedness. Grab three friends and enjoy seeing the world through the eyes of the four stooges trying to reinact the Zoolander Computer scene. Team Chucklefuck approved. [Rated R - ∞ Hours]

While the id Tech5 engine is as big of a disaster as John Romero's post-id career, once you get it working right RAGE is a gorgeous game so long as you follow the typical id game philosophy: Don't look too close into it. Extremely satisfying and meaty shooter from start to finish, with some filler racing segments I could have done without. There's something pleasing about every weapon, right down to pegging a punk a few times with your pistol just to see the pained confusion on his face as he trips over himself putting his dome right at the barrel of your gun for the final shot.

Underrated, underappreciated gem that didn't deserve the rage sent its way. Just don't play this on an AMD graphics card. Godmack bleeds green, and so should you.

If Steven Spielberg went back in time and wrote Carl Sagan's Cosmos to include an intergalactic, cosmic D20 and possibly twice as many drugs, then lived the plot of the game to return back to 1995 and told a couple of really bored guys at Lucasarts about the whole trip, all the while going to 'I traveled through time, Motherfucker' meetings with Robert Patrick who convinced Steven to give him a role since he hadn't anything to do after the T-1000 gig. Also included for fun is a unique guessing game of "What character is voiced by Steven Blum?"

"They've got it... in Dubai!"

A powerful, draining experience that needs to be played to be understood. The gameplay is your typical Telltale affair, simple quicktime event like shindigs that are more of a way to keep you from simply watching a TV show. The decisions you have to make, however, rate up there with The Witcher series in sheer gray area. Lots of things will come back to bite you in the ass, and I'm not talking about the Walkers.

I spent the entire final episode with a lump in my throat, my emotional investment in the characters being some of the best any video game has managed to date. I'll even admit there were some onions cut near me and i'm still trying to wipe the residue from my face. Sloppy goddamn cutters. My personal Game of the Year 2012.

GARY WHITTA.

This is the game I have been waiting 24 years for.

The greatest simulation and closest proximation we'll ever get to Moxxi's Slot

Machine.

Forget that other cartoony game that just came out a few days ago, take to the streets of Tokyo-To and lay down some paint! JET SET RADIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Pure wank. Avoid at all costs, if it is gifted to you send it packing back "Home" like a Jehovah's Witness.

DID I SUBMIT THE REVIEW?

Yes / No

Possibly the least optimized piece of shit I have ever seen. It's the new "Can it run Crysis!" but with a tenth of the visual fidelity. I would like to recommend the game based on its gameplay but I can't get the damn thing to run very well.

AVOID THE NOID.

If you want to hear a grieving englishman speak in poetic victorian rhythm while wandering on an island that is gorgeously hand crafted by one of the men who made the Mirrors Edge visuals possible to a soundtrack that tugs at the heartstrings like Joanna Newsom plays a harp, then you need this experience. Not everyone will enjoy this wander-novel. I happen to love it here on this island.

Like the RPGs of ye olde, it will be a difficult road to start. Don't try to hack and slash your way through, and the combat will reward you with very satisfying encounters. Plough some ladies, slay some creatures, and buy new jackets. The story and characters are some of the best around, and don't suffer from the first one's translation-itis. Between the massive story branch-out, extended third chapter and the arena mode there's even more to love in this already beefy sized RPG and enough replay value for several runthroughs. You'll want to at least see how some of the decisions play out when you select another option, as decisions are very grey-area'd and will always fuck someone over somehow. Some of those decisions carry some heavy weight for the future of the story too.

Oh and did I mention it's beautiful? Because god damn this is the most gorgeous game.

While not exactly a horror game, this suspenseful thriller simply oozes ambience like the sap of a great evergreen chopped down in the beautiful forests near Bright Falls. Take a backdrop of Twin Peaks, sprinkle some Stephen King, pepper with a little In the Mouth of Madness and garnish with some Twilight Zone. Excellent sound direction, beautiful scenery and a game engine filled with PC centric tweaks. Remedy did good by PC gamers and deserve your sale.

If you can make it through the incredibly long and paitence testing chapter 2, what lies in store for you is a fantastic cRPG. The plot takes a while to get rolling, and there's an entire chapter that diverts you but chapter 5 and the epilogue really unleash the consequences of the choices you made. Combat starts off kind of loafy but give it time to unlock more moves, or play on a higher difficulty to introduce more subtleties like proper potion chugging and oils/bombs required to defeat certain creatures.

Oh, and you can have sex with exotic sorceresses, grateful whores, royalty, witches, and much more. Get their "Business" card after, Collect em all!

A point and click horror title remastered with better visuals and sound? What could possibly ruin the atmopshere? Shitty puzzles. Terrible pacing. Moonlogic is at work in many puzzles that have no right being as bad as they were. There will be times you will want to say fuck it and bust out a FAQ. Even as a point and click player of ye olde, I won't judge you for this. But when you hit a stride, the game's atmopshere is very strong and will certainly have you flinching every time you open a door. The addition of Michael's journal gives you some insight into his thoughts as the game progresses, and is a really cool little bonus for those of us who like to get more about our own characters in these games.

So if you don't mind a few awful puzzles that will end up eating more time than they are worth, there's a decent experience to be had with Scratches: DC. I do have further thoughts upon the game, but in the interest of possibly spoiling the experience I will leave them as a comment.

A Bloody Good Time.

GAME OF EVERY FOREVER

Greatest pissed off bald man simulator ever made, its magic may never be recaptured again. Elements of Stealth, Action, and even Puzzles with some assassination options. The levels are your playground of murder. A must have for any collection!

One of the best Co-Op purchases you'll ever make. Challenging even after you hit level 100+, the amount of shit the game can throw at you at once is dizzying and hilarious. Get 3 friends, grab your guns and get your goddamn heist fantasies on! Game recieves a fair amount of support from the devs, and I feel they should be commended for listening to the fans so well and answering their requests.

Seriously just rob one bank and the game will have paid for itself. ;)

Sam's got your back(pedal) for a third time! It's no cinematic masterpiece, with deeply intricate plot and characters that make you feel a personal connection that lasts a lifetime. There's room for one thing and one thing only, and that's bullets. Tons of them. And I wouldn't have it any other way! Add friends in 16 player co-op for a completely new level of insanity. Don't let this one pass you by, do I make myself Kleer?

This is STALKER at its best. Stable out of the box, looks great on its own (though there is also a Complete overhaul mod which makes it so much more stunning), less obtuse inventory management and has an open world approach. While I have yet to complete the main storyline, I am confident that fans of atmospheric, intense shooters and are able to find beauty in the bleakest of settings will fall head over heels for Call of Pripyat.

GET OUT OF HERE STALKER! Starts off tough and barely lets up through the whole experience. S.T.A.L.K.E.R. plays like if Fallout 3 had vodka in its veins and learned how to shoot. It's a little buggy at first so make sure to grab at least the Zone Reclaimation Project bugfix set, or go all out and grab the Complete 2009 fix and graphical overhaul. While rough around the edges, there's more than enough content here to satisfy your curiosity through exploration, extermination and experimentation. Another excellent european-bred title!

Color management, first person puzzler with an eastern European horror flair. It's one of the most difficult games i've played, in fact I still haven't finished it. But the unique, nightmarish locations mixed with the vivid art style and excellent sound design make every struggle worth it. A surrealist masterpiece worth every penny!

Top-down shoot 'em up mechanics mixed with Rez-like music-changes-as-you-shoot and dazzling visuals. Each level is actually completely different than the previous one, different scoring system and objective. Half of the fun is watching for hints until you figure out how to score higher on a particular level. Brutally hard, but the passion put behind this project by almost one man alone deserves your attention.

If you're like me and have been wondering "Where's the horror gone?" since the good old days of Silent Hill and non-actionfest Resident Evil, Amnesia is your game. Frictional has a grip on horror like no other developer does these days. The corridors of Castle Brennenburg will haunt you inside the game and away from your keyboard as well. Headphones on, lights out, and a spare diaper are required. You can't afford to miss out, especially at the low STARTING price of $20.

If you want a game that encourages smart ammo usage over gung-ho, "I'll just get more ammo from all the dead bodies to make up what I spent" type thinking then you need this game. The chilling sections on the surface are some of the most haunting, beautiful and stressful experiences you can put yourself through in a game. It may not have name brand recognition blah blah blah, but you NEED to take the risk and get this game. A demo is available on the net if you're unsure if this beast will run on your machine, so look for that if you have doubts.