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Anonymous of Washington
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Tumwater, Washington, United States

Yesterday I went to my local grocery store, not really looking for anything in particular. While I was scrolling the aisles stocked with cereal, pasta, and canned vegetables, this little container caught my eye. Cholesterol free, no trans fat - It all looked too good to be true; and, frankly, it was.
Upon first spread, I was less than impressed. The taste was nothing to write home about, not to mention its incredibly lackluster texture. I thought to myself, "Well maybe it'll grow on me. Just give it some time." And that I did. That night, I gave it a few more tries. Every time, however, I found it even more repulsive than the last.
They're clearly trying way too hard here, and end up just looking like a complete derivative of Butter. Like far too many products nowadays, it doesn't even attempt originality in any of its most basic forms and comes off looking like a pathetic imitation. Seriously, who do they think they're fooling?
Now it's certainly no secret that Butter's last few attempts were mediocre at best (i.e. Squeezable), I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! makes even these seem like the always-incredible of the 4oz. Stick by comparison.
When I was finally fed up and ready to throw away my ICBINB container for good, I took a good, long look at it. I nostalgically thought back to the endless summers and lonely winters I'd spent with Butter, and I put the container back on the shelf in my fridge. I can imagine it'll be scarcely used from now on, but nonetheless there it will sit, revoking it's functionality for pure sentiment, reminding me of the days when Butter was still the go-to spread.
And perhaps that's all it was meant to do.

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559 Comments - view all

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DEAD May 20, 2012 @ 7:47pm

OMFG u RETARD i know what the fuck is fps u shity fucktrard im telling u there are 2 kind of fucking FPS and i MENT THE FUCKING FRAMES PER SECOND WHAT THE FUCK U DONT UNDERSTAND FROM THIS ShIT U IDIOT !!!!!

DEAD May 17, 2012 @ 4:23am

You willnever know what it feels like to work in a sweatshop for 18 hours a day making gay furry porn mousepads for autists

DEAD May 17, 2012 @ 4:22am

DAMN mfw i can fucking use spoiler tags son

DEAD May 14, 2012 @ 7:00pm

This story is not an end yet. Because only you are in the washing machine.

DEAD May 14, 2012 @ 3:18am

This story is not an end yet. Because only you are in the infinity loop.

Stinky Diver May 8, 2012 @ 8:32pm

stop having little girls for avatars

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