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Everybody, just throw it away. Next gen is here at last! The PS4 announced today! What a surprise. Glory hallelujah!

Aren't you tired of seeking things out that you want and downloading them? It's such a hassle. Well, the PS4 is just gonna automagically know what you want and download it right to the hard drive. Finally. Been waiting for this feature FOREVER.

Man, it's got 8 gigs of RAM. Yeah, you heard that right, sucka. 8 capital GBs. That must cost them like $20. They'll never make a profit on the units sold now.

And get this, they've got a controller. Boy, do they have a controller. It's got joysticks on it and everything. They've got a bunch of other crap too, like a CPU, but most importantly is that controller, dawg. It'll like, send your button presses to Facebook and tell all your friends that you're pressing buttons. It's so cool.

I've never been more excited in my life. I'm gonna take a hammer to my PC later tonight. I encourage you all to do the same. Don't even try to sell it. Nobody wants your POS when they already preordered a PS4.