Newell, Gabe Newell

Since August 7, 2010

Washington, United States 

In the beginning, Gabe Newell created thou Valve and Goldsource Engine, and said 'tis good, so it was good. He then established Valve as His home, where He shall remain and rule forever. From Valve and the coercive Goldsource Engine, Gabe created the wondrous and spectacular Half-Life 1 and said 'tis good, so it was good.Ye, He then hath given unto us thou Source Engine, and He said 'tis good, so it was good. For He delivered upon us a great and bountiful assortment of Souce games, and promises His return.

Some day, He shall retun upon thy great Steam Cloud, and deliver to His loyal flock the yearned and coveted Episode 3. It will blind all with it's glory, and all will shudder before the bewildering exquisiteness of Gabe's creation. There will be celebrations throughout the earth, some people will cry, some people will sing praises to Gabe, and those most loyal to Gabe will immediately spill their seed involuntarily, and some even voluntarily.

Gabe created Steam and Valve games to be perfect, and offered gamers free choice of will and morality. But the gamers abused this privilege, and fell away from Gabe and began using aimbots and wallhacks. Gabe then crafted a level 9001 Mallet of Banishment and killed all the cheaters in-game. Once banished from the servers, He sent VAC to guard and watchover the servers. But Gabe offers a second chance if you betray Him. You may make another Steam account, and re-purchase any game you desire and Gabe will show you forgiveness. He will allow you back into the Steam servers, and there you shall remain so long as you trust and follow Gabe.

One should not tread lightly on the path of cheating and dishonesty, for Gabe always has His Ban Hammer equipped, and He may use it anytime He so wishes. For with His Ban Hammer, Gabe is Omnipotent.
With the power of VAC, Gabe has all control over the vast masses of the Steam Cloud. For nothing can, may, or ever will escape the wrath of the all-knowing VAC.For with VAC, Gabe is Omniscient.
And with control over thy Steam Cloud, Gabe has control over all Steam games everywhere, He is everywhere within the Steam Cloud. For with the Steam Cloud, Gabe is Omnipresent.

Our Gabe, who art at Valve,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy ideas come,
thy games be done,
on PS3 as it is on PC's
Give us this day our weekly deal.
And forgive us our infractions,
as we forgive those who troll against us.
And lead us not into flaming,
but deliver us from Moderators.
For thine is the Valve,
and the keyboard,
and the mouse,
for ever and ever,
Gabe N.
(Prayer by Scribble[SFD])

1.Thou shalt have no one before Gabe.
2.Thou shalt make no unflattering rule 34 images of Gabe.
3.Thou shalt not take Gabe's name in vain.
4.Remember the Saturday by eating pizza.
5.Honor thy Valve and Steam.
6.Thou shalt not have any platforms before Steam.
7.Thou shalt not hack.
8.Thou shalt not commit piracy.
9.Thou shalt not bring glitches or grief upon others.
10.Thou shalt not covet thy Steam friend's libraries.

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