In-law throws around N word

[fufightr]

My father In-law loves to throw around the N word whenever he's mad at something or someone. He doesn't seem to be racist otherwise but he can be prejudice at the most considering he's not so up with the times.

He doesn't see it as racist or offending and doesn't say it specifically toward someone who's black. Just anyone or anything thus just using it at a swear like many others.

I mean I still get offended by it and you know how it's hard to explain to people that something they say or do can be racist and/or offending. What's anyone's thoughts on this?

[Saphayla]

I think your father is right. It's not the word that is racist, it's the context and the intention behind it's use that can be racist. If I stub my toe and say "Ah, son of a bi*ch!" and it's okay, why is it not okay if I say "Ah, ni*ger!"

Furthermore, "the N-word" is not racist. It's offensive. Racism is discrimination and prejudice of someone based on their race. The N-word was used to demean and offend black people in the times of slavery in the United States, which makes it offensive if used in a demeaning manner, but a word cannot be racist, because a word cannot hold prejudices. The person uttering it in a demeaning manner, directed at a person with the intent f offending them is racist, but the word is not. It's just offensive.

My question to you is: Why are you offended by it? Are you black? Is he saying it directly to you in a demeaning fashion?

[Hippopotamus]

Racial slurs are bad, however using one doesn't make you a racist. Just as someone calling me fat doesn't mean they hate all fat people.

Logic people, logic.

[Vincent]

Sounds exactly my dad.
He swears exclusively at us, but not at his employees or friends, even when they made my dad flip sh*t.

[Washell]

I think your best bet here is to get together with your spouse, and have them ask him not to use it around your children if and when you have them.

And maybe tell him you won't have his back if he ever gets physically assaulted over it. ;)

[fufightr]

Originally posted by Saphayla:

I think your father is right. It's not the word that is racist, it's the context and the intention behind it's use that can be racist. If I stub my toe and say "Ah, son of a bi*ch!" and it's okay, why is it not okay if I say "Ah, ni*ger!"

Furthermore, "the N-word" is not racist. It's offensive. Racism is discrimination and prejudice of someone based on their race. The N-word was used to demean and offend black people in the times of slavery in the United States, which makes it offensive if used in a demeaning manner, but a word cannot be racist, because a word cannot hold prejudices. The person uttering it in a demeaning manner, directed at a person with the intent f offending them is racist, but the word is not. It's just offensive.

My question to you is: Why are you offended by it? Are you black? Is he saying it directly to you in a demeaning fashion?

Im white and to be honest, I'm not too sure how I feel about it. Many people can argue that no matter how you say it, white people lost the privilege to say it. I was raised to avoid it and I kind of cringe hearing it. While It's up in the air as to whether or not it's acceptable to say under some circumstances and different varients, someone is always going to be offended if it were just a cuss or not. I wanted to hear out other people's thoughts and I wondered if I'm overreacting when feeling offended. Thank you for you input :)

[fufightr]

Originally posted by Washell:

I think your best bet here is to get together with your spouse, and have them ask him not to use it around your children if and when you have them.

And maybe tell him you won't have his back if he ever gets physically assaulted over it. ;)

LOL I think he tries to keep it closer to home. At least from what I've seen anyway. So that's good

[Commander Makara]

It can be 'uncomfortable' to hear someone using words that are offensive or even just impolite - regardless of whether we're even being addressed or affected directly.
I cringe (real use of the word, not this ridiculous modern appropriation of the verb as a noun or adjective for use only as an excuse for lack of vocabulary) whenever I hear someone yelling and swearing in public place.I go bright red and honsstly feel embarrassed for those people invovled.

[fufightr]

Originally posted by Commander Makara:

It can be 'uncomfortable' to hear someone using words that are offensive or even just impolite - regardless of whether we're even being addressed or affected directly.
I cringe (real use of the word, not this ridiculous modern appropriation of the verb as a noun or adjective for use only as an excuse for lack of vocabulary) whenever I hear someone yelling and swearing in public place.I go bright red and honsstly feel embarrassed for those people invovled.
-
Might be worth mentioning this to them, or your spouse might - at the absolute worst it's jsut explaining how YOU feel.

That's exactly how I feel. Just straight up uncomfortable. Thing is, should I be? Because we come from different areas of life?
I live under their roof and it always seems like I'd burden them to ask them to not do something they've always done before I moved in. As person to person, it wouldn't hurt to ask. As new band mate asking for changes to the written song, it's awkward especially when the communication isn't all there in the first place..

[Washell]

Originally posted by fufightr:

LOL I think he tries to keep it closer to home. At least from what I've seen anyway. So that's good

Which means he's well aware of what he's doing and you asking him to change will do nothing but start a pointless fight.

[Jej]

To me saying "N-Word" is more offensive than the actual word itself.

[Hippopotamus]

Originally posted by Jej:

To me saying "N-Word" is more offensive than the actual word itself.

I think most of us aren't typing it due to the potential ban hammer hitting ones face..

[Jej]

Originally posted by Blezza:

Originally posted by Jej:

To me saying "N-Word" is more offensive than the actual word itself.

I think most of us aren't typing it due to the potential ban hammer hitting ones face..

I know. I mean when people actually say "N-Word" in a settence instead of the actual word.

[Commander Makara]

Originally posted by fufightr:

That's exactly how I feel. Just straight up uncomfortable. Thing is, should I be? Because we come from different areas of life?
I live under their roof and it always seems like I'd burden them to ask them to not do something they've always done before I moved in. As person to person, it wouldn't hurt to ask. As new band mate asking for changes to the written song, it's awkward especially when the communication isn't all there in the first place..

Totally understand where you're coming from.

It's really hard to give any really definite advice since obviosuly I don't know the people involved, the entire circumstance/situation nor how they may react at all - but I do appreciate your points.
I honestly think that the best place to start is just talk it over with your spouse and take it from there.

Having spent 6 months living on my brother-in-law's couch (which was the only space aside from their bedroom and bathroom) even the littlest things can get exaggerated!

[-V-]

I'm gonna pull out my racist card here and admit to using the term in a most derogatory manner to those individuals that enjoy such culture. Of course, it's usually after I hit them with my car because sidewalks are for white people.

I'd never say it to any of my dear black friends, sexy black lovers, wonderful black neighbors, helpful black co-workers because it's just not relevant to them. They aren't n*****s, just black people, and I happen to adore them.

[-V-]

Living in the South does things to you, though. You see things that you just don't see everywhere else, and it changes a person. I've spent years and years trying to fight the racist, but damn... It's a losing battle.

When I'm up North, things are totally different. Black people on the sidewalk instead of in the middle of the street... it's fantastic!