Posted: December 20
Enter Latin Columbia in search of a mutant lady whose eyes are huge, like, you know, freaking HUGE.
Fight against American scumbags who are more zealous than history teachers, and deal with religious zombies with holes in their brain. While you're doing that, complain about the graphics. And the tiny amount of weapons that makes Call of Duty: Ghosts' look like a mexican drug dealer's arms cache. It's beautiful, but I can't break into Latin Columbia. They drove me out shouting, "SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!" I zapped one of their men. I can't be wrong, but he had three glocks. The third was in his opened zipper. Latin Columbia can't stop me, no, no, I will stop Latin Columbia with an army. First I gave the mutant lady to the robots, and ran like hell to the door. The zombies couldn't get to me but I could bite them, and bite them I must. I found a nuclear missle in the drug dealer guy's house, and then stole the detonator. 10/10 IGN I set them ablaze. The explosion looked like the one I make splashing in the bathtub and MOM, MOM CAN YOU GET ME MYEH TOWWEHHHLL, she gave me a Boreale look and spankd me all over. Latin China why you do this. They zapped me because I nuked Latuhn Cumlobia and I was unconscous for 40 milliseconds. I was surrounded by Dora the Explorer. She said I was in BOREALUM. I kicked her and ran away, crying.
I woke up and found my Steam Account had been hacked, and Latin Columbia wasn't nuked. I raged and found my save file was deleted because Gabe likes C'tan Columbia. I gave him a dirty look and we..well...
..fed him wit some potato chips and he was like, OOOHH YEAHH GIMME SOME MORE OF THAT GIT STARTED ALHREHHDYY and I steal rehnned it down his throat like the inquisitor i am, NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION went down my throat like a llama, except cheaper with a sombrero. I returned to the remains of Latin Columbia and found my wife had 80 kids. I was all like, WHYY GOD WHYY and I implanted the babies with my geneseed. Then I put them in seperate vats so they could grow faster. Then I came home and noticed they disappeared. Gabe Newell took them because I interrupted his eating session. I really pulled the Spartacus Maneuver because it looked like Shrek had been around lately. I got quickscoped and went to bed.
Latino Umbellica was there.
I spat at the mutant and went to sleep.
I'm crying now.
Shrek lets me pour in his mouth wit my love and I wake up, dreaming.
I come to Borealum to find it has been eaten by gangsters, who have a thing for irradiated scat. Disgusted, I called for an exterminatus to destroy Borealum and its hoods. I will never return to that wretched place with that mutant called Elizapehth. Latin Columbia was nuked. I started the second Horus Heresy. I like my feet. They are cute 'n cuddly.
This game is not bad, but there is a general lack of diversity in the game, and the "magic" stuff won't make things fun. The graphics are surprisingly nice, but without the bloom it would look like an ugly Disney cartoon with Borderlands/Telltale games graphics.
Nice game though.
8.6 Bioshock Finite.