Draughir Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:10pm
Just another day in Skyrim: The Married Life/ Tamriel's Dumbest Criminals.
Greetings all! I just had a funny thing happen in Skyrim that makes me want to go out and do one of those live action movies that have been popping up. So I joined the Companions became a werewolf etc. Well I also happened to marry Aela the Huntress. What happened next? Well...

There I was, coming home after a long dungeon stroll attempting to unearth an Elder Scroll. I just wanted to come home, ask my wife for gold, make her cook me something, then drop off all my loot. I got home and my loving wife is nowhere to be found. I was very sad. Such is life when married to the leader of a werewolf mercenary troop. So I went to pore over my workbench and see if there were any additions that could be made to the house. When suddenly out of the darkness bandits attack! Oh no they killed my cow! Again! And my horse! Again. Damn them! So I get all big, bad angry Dragonkin on them and dispatch the ungulate-murdering ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥s. As I'm looting the chief, I find a note. -insert other fluff text here- "If you want to see your wife again come to Embershard mine with 5000 gold."
I chuckle to myself. One of the leaders of the Companions. Werewolf. Married to a Dragonkin. Yep. Just who I'd want to kidnap. What could possibly go wrong?

So, I saddle up(or at least I would have if the world's dumbest bandits hadn't killed my horse) and head to Embershard mine to rescue my loving wife.

I arrive at Embershard around dusk, ready my bow, get my stealth on, and head inside. Just in time to see Aela strolling toward the exit surrounded by a pile of corpses as if nothing ever happened.

"Hello Love" is all she has to say.

And I think to myself. "That's my girl."

So I asked her for gold, and made her cook me something, then continued through the mine to loot corpses.

I can imagine that conversation...

"Gee honey, you could have left some for me..."

And so ends todays episode of Tamriel's Dumbest Criminals.
Last edited by Draughir; Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:11pm
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Genesis Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:22pm 
Oh my that is glorious, am glad you shared that story xD I've had that happen except my wife was still locked up alas she was no werewolf
Two Bears Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:25pm 
I had a similar episode in a playthrough where I was living in Whiterun and had married Camilla Valerius. Faendal is scripted to go to Camilla at X time every day, and Whiterun is close enough that he can make it in the alloted time. So, here comes the Listener of the Black Hand home from work to find his wife together with her former love interest.

Blood. So much blood.
Draughir Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:25pm 
Of all the people to kidnap and try and ransom...There's gotta be a movie or story in here somewhere..and I just may write it! :)
Draughir Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:27pm 
Originally posted by Two Bears:
I had a similar episode in a playthrough where I was living in Whiterun and had married Camilla Valerius. Faendal is scripted to go to Camilla at X time every day, and Whiterun is close enough that he can make it in the alloted time. So, here comes the Listener of the Black Hand home from work to find his wife together with her former love interest.

Blood. So much blood.

LOL That's perfect!

"Hey, let's kidnap the Dragonborn's wife. Who cares that s/he happens to be the Harbinger of the Companions, Master of the Thieves' Guild, Nightingale, Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, Thane of the Hold. DragonSlayer(and not just any dragon THE Dragon)We can take em!"


We should make a series out of this sort of thing! So go ahead folks! Anyone else have a story like this to tell?
Last edited by Draughir; Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:36pm
Two Bears Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:57pm 
I also find if funny when the highwaymen threaten you. My last playthrough featured a vampire lord walking along the road in the middle of the night. He's wearing the vampire royalty armor, carrying Harkon's glowing katana and has these glowing orange eyes. So up runs Mr. Robber with his dagger and says to hand over his valubales or he will be gut like a fish. Ah, thank you, I was getting hungry.
MageThis Feb 16, 2014 @ 1:14pm 
Originally posted by Two Bears:
I also find if funny when the highwaymen threaten you. My last playthrough featured a vampire lord walking along the road in the middle of the night. He's wearing the vampire royalty armor, carrying Harkon's glowing katana and has these glowing orange eyes. So up runs Mr. Robber with his dagger and says to hand over his valubales or he will be gut like a fish. Ah, thank you, I was getting hungry.
Skyrim's equivalent of take-out.
tylermullins13 Feb 16, 2014 @ 1:15pm 
I like the stories here. pretty funny when you play this. There should be a series about these stories
funkle Feb 16, 2014 @ 1:37pm 
Same thing happened to me... But I went to find Aela and she was just at the Skyforge <.> No bandits or anything.
krunk14 Feb 16, 2014 @ 2:22pm 
Lol I was laughing at the part where the cow died and then the horse.
sunseekers_ Feb 16, 2014 @ 2:38pm 
Well one of my early characters died in very sad and slightly unfortunate circumstances - a Breton warrior, he was chasing a blue butterfly in order to capture it but did not realise where he was running and fell off the edge of a very high cliff, plumeting to his death on the rocks far below...
Zefram Cochrane Feb 16, 2014 @ 2:59pm 
Well my hearthfire homes havn't been attacked by bandits/giants yet (probably don't spend enough time away for it to kick in) but I was leaving Breezehome a couple day ago in the evening with my wife and a couple of vampires attacked, well my wife is Faralda of the mages college and lets say there was a flash of sparks and a bang or two and within seconds they were dead, tossed up and down the road like ragdolls.

I felt a swell of pride, thats my missus, I thought.
Last edited by Zefram Cochrane; Feb 16, 2014 @ 2:59pm
Draughir Feb 16, 2014 @ 4:22pm 
Originally posted by Two Bears:
I also find if funny when the highwaymen threaten you. My last playthrough featured a vampire lord walking along the road in the middle of the night. He's wearing the vampire royalty armor, carrying Harkon's glowing katana and has these glowing orange eyes. So up runs Mr. Robber with his dagger and says to hand over his valubales or he will be gut like a fish. Ah, thank you, I was getting hungry.

Yet another episode of Tamriel's Dumbest Criminals. :)

Did I mention I love this game? ;)
Draughir Feb 16, 2014 @ 4:50pm 
Originally posted by sunseekers_:
Well one of my early characters died in very sad and slightly unfortunate circumstances - a Breton warrior, he was chasing a blue butterfly in order to capture it but did not realise where he was running and fell off the edge of a very high cliff, plumeting to his death on the rocks far below...

Well you see....My girlfriend has told me I am not allowed to own horses. I've owned seven, and out of that only Shadowmere has not met an unfortunate end....And he was the 'free' one...go figure..

My first horse died when I didn't realize you could fight mounted, so I hopped off to deal with a sabrecat ambush...and well...let's just say it's a good thing there's no McDonald's in Skyrim. Could've been quite the scandal getting caught selling them horsemeat...It's also quite possible that I may or may not have killed the horse myself whilst fighting said sabrecat...

My second horse met an unfortunate end when I failed to notice the large cliff and waterfall in front of me while trying to shoot down a dragon. I landed in the water. The horse....well...Splat would've been a good name for him.

My next one met up with a cave bear while I was trying to set up for the sniping of bad guys. I heard the music change, a growl, a whinny and turned just in time to see said bear knock my horse off a waterfall cliff (I'm recognizing a pattern here..) and charge me. The funny part of this particular instance is that the bear mis-stepped while charging me and the current swept it over the waterfall onto the rocks below. Just as I loosed an arrow, of course. I watched bear and arrow tumble over the falls and thought "Tembo be damned. I am NOT climbing down there for a pelt..."

Another died when a frost troll knocked it out from under me in a blizzard. That was quite dramatic. One second I'm trotting along, next I'm tumbling down a slope thoroughly confused wondering what happened; only to land at a stone gate. At the feet of another frost troll. My only thought then was "Oh...♥♥♥♥..."

The rest have died at home at the hands of bandits, giants, and oh yeah. A dragon. Whose corspe is STILL littering my yard. That's always pleasant. Walk out the door, stretch. "What a beautiful morn...WTF IS THAT?!?!?"
(as the dragon corpse spawns and drops all but on my head)

"Oh. Oh steward? Steward! Could you stop staring at the wall and..I don't know...CLEAN THIS MESS UP?!?!?"

riffahlc175 Feb 16, 2014 @ 6:10pm 
The funny thing is that they were actually able to kidnap her in the first place! Its like she let them. "Its okay, love. I toyed with them a bit, then got all wolfy-like."
technojock Feb 17, 2014 @ 3:39am 
I found it odd that they were able to Kidnap my old lady, Mjoll the Lioness. My game got glitchy when I rescued her so I went back to an older save and paid the ransom then went through and killed all the bandits and looted all their stuff. I didn't get my 5k gold back though...
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Date Posted: Feb 16, 2014 @ 12:10pm
Posts: 22