Posted: May 24
"Always bet on Duke." So reads the catchphrase to the manliest of men's latest outing. A testosterone fueled rage across the state of Nevada in search of serious payback. An unrelenting rampage of gunfire, one-liners, dismemberments, eviscerations and urinating on your foe's cerebral cortex. Nothing quite like it. Except that I wouldn't bet on it.
The thing about Duke Nukem is that you're looking for that 90s feel of a game. Where you shoot before asking questions and where cover if for the weak. You go, face first into the fray, killing and disrespecting the invaders of earth as you brutally reduce them to porkchops. Which makes it so weird that Forever
holds you back for what seems to be a large portion of the rather short game. The first hour is spent toying with lewd buttons, curling dumbells and drawing ♥♥♥♥♥ on whiteboards. The following shooting section is to brief to qualify for a jump in adrenaline and all the subsequent shootouts are few and far between.
I mean, think about it; You're Duke Nukem, the blueprint of masculinity. Any blogger from Tumblr would cry in irreversible horror at the binary gender appropriation this man radiates. Yet the game makes you look and play like what Arnold "The Governator" Schwarzengger would refer to as "a girly man." You are weak; you can't take a lot of punishment, and when you add up the score you don't really murder that many aliens. It gets worse. As the game progresses, you're sent into more and awkward set piece stages that have no place in a testosterone fueled shooter. It even sends you to fight a boss underwater. Something the game wasn't calculated to handle as the swimming controls are set in stone and you're even weaker than before.Forever
does have its moments. Usually in the form of banal comedy or the sudden change up where you're shrunk to seven inches and you have to ride an RC car through a hotel while dodging kitchen appliances. At times you'll have fun with the physics engine while playing a game of pool or you spend a good few minutes listening to Duke's baritone giggles as he slaps a set of mammaries that are attached to wall (true story). However, Forever
is lacking in so many areas, and in particular the design and refinement that you'll be glad when it's over.