Team Fortress 2
The Story Of The Pomson Nerf +18
Based on a true story.....

Jack was ecstatic so see the fascinating new Pomson 6000 be released for the engineer. Engineer was his favorite class, and he loved his 2Fort community dearly. He came home from school, got on TF2, the beloved game he got for his 18th birthday, and laughed with his friends over the in-game as he single-handedly defended the intelligence room against those who might end the ever-loved stalemate. Jack didn't ever boast his feeling that he was the best engineer the game had ever seen. He had multiple sentry positions that could effectively covered the room, and even a trick with the wrangler, which was a mediocre weapon unless you wanted to have a sentry on the battlements. Jack payed attention to who was trying to push into the intel room, and when he noticed the same person try twice to edge or tank his sentry, he moved it to catch them by surprise the next time they tried. He kept teleporters in the halls leading to the room so he could know where to expect enemy players from in case they meant to edge his sentry to death, he could handle them with his shotgun. If he found that he was being tormented by a demoman's sticky bombs, he'd use the short-circuit to remove them, then hastily eliminate the demo. Even spies were no problem for Jack. He cleverly checked everybody who came into the intel room, and kept his eyes and ears open for one-such spy decloaking. Jack's only problem was the occassional medic. Medics were the bane of Jack's existence. He didn't understand how it was fair to be able to turn invincible and kill a sentry that's being actively repaired. This was why Jack was so happy with the Pomson. no matter where the enemy heavy and medic pushed in from, he could listen and read the communication from his team that they were in the basement. Since they rarely actually had an Übercharge when they got down to the basement, they usually waited. This was where Jack could strike. He knew that no matter where the enemy heavy and medic were, he could drain the medic's Über, and retreat back to his saferoom again and again until his teammates dealt with the intruders. Even if the heavy stood between Jack and the medic, the projectile could go straight through the fat Russian into the overpowered monstrosity that stood behind him. The halls of the 2Fort basement were narrow, and he knew his shots would more than likely hit with little effort. From then on, Jack never had trouble with an enemy medic. Until one fateful day.

Jack came home from school and downloaded the TF2 update as usual and joined his server, running to the intelligence and defending it for his friends. Jack chatted and laughed with his friends as he ran around the intelligence room and basement, taunt walking or taking the teleporters in each entrance hall from time to time. After his first few visitors, he encountered a demoman trying to take out his sentry, and dealt with him using the Pomson. To his merriment, he noticed that it had done more damage than the Pomson typically did. "Wow" he thought "Valve is really nice. Now I can defend my team even better!". Then, after the sun had gone down, two people joined the server with the same -=LOLSWAG=- at the front of their names. The two ended up on the other team, and before long were sieging the intelligence room. They barged straight in, the heavy dying to the sentry and the medic attempting to flee, only to be brought down by Jack's Texan projectile justice and it's newly increased damage. "Nice shootin', Tex." the engineer said sarcastically in the game at his felled enemies. The second time wasn't so joyous for Jack. He knew they were waiting for an Übercharge to be ready, so he peeked his head out and fired. He didn't hear the distinct noise of the drain, so he assumed he missed and poked out once more to try again. With this second shot Jack saw, with great agony, that the Pomson's projectile no longer penetrated his enemies. He had to go for the medic. He jumped out of his safe haven and ran straight for the white-coated monster, but he was hastily eviscerated by the heavy. Shortly thereafter, on the spectator camera, he saw the enemy Übercharge into the intelligence room and destroy not only his sentry, but his dispenser too. Typically when he messed up they left the dispenser and ran off with the intelligence, but not this dastardly duo. "What the heck? Why doesn't the Pomson projectile go through people anymore?" Jack half-shouted into his microphone. He was met with a message appearing in the chatbox that read "valve nerfed it cuz its OP and comp players like us hate it", followed shortly by "ya only idiot pubs use da pomson cuz its ez". Both messages were sent by none other than the -=LOLSWAG=- duo. In a bout of fury, Jack disconnected from the server and searched for competitive TF2. That was where he found ETF2L. Jack looked at the first news post, and the name he saw would be a name he would loathe relentlessly until the day he could take his revenge.

The search was long, but Jack found his man. No matter how long the search was, though, the flight to Europe was longer. Every second felt like a year. He had joined a class trip to tour around Europe, and he knew he could use the opportunity to take revenge. When the flight at long last landed, and he, alongside his classmates, had made their way to the hotel in which they would be staying Jack finalized his plot, placing his surprise for the ETF2L admin in the minibar. Jack pretended to be sick in the morning, blaming the flight and food, so his classmates and chaperone agreed to let him stay at the hotel while they toured the city. An hour after his solitude began, Jack retrieved his surprise and made his way to his enemy's home. Upon his arrival, he instructed the cabbie to wait for and follow his target. When the administrator finally left his home, Jack followed. The administrator exited his vehicle downtown near a shop, Jack lept from the cab and ran straight for the man, jumping at him and throwing them both on the ground. People looked, but none of them really bothered to gawk. Jack straddled the horrified European and smiled wickedly. Jack pressed the tips of his fingers to the man's stomach. Hard. The man screamed, and people on the streets began stopping and staring. Jack continued pressing Until finally he had forced his hands inside of the man's belly, and with brute strength forced it open, producing a gaping cavity. The man continued to scream, the people surrounding them began to scream, a number of them took pictures and many less began making calls on their cell phones, likely to the police. He hadn't taken true revenge for the horrors this man, or at least his people, had caused, but the revenge felt good nonetheless. Jack said only one thing before he walked away, fading into obscurity, never to be caught. He said: "I hope you like spaghetti, ♥♥♥♥♥."
Last edited by The Doujinshi Connoisseur; Feb 7, 2014 @ 10:47pm
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Showing 1-15 of 28 comments
gsc159753 Feb 7, 2014 @ 10:53pm 
holy mother of text batman
also dafuq did I just read lol
General Moo Feb 7, 2014 @ 11:06pm 
read first paragraph got bored. 10/10 would read again
Sandshark Feb 7, 2014 @ 11:11pm 
Oh my god... never put your address on the internet.
Lesson learned.
Duck Feb 7, 2014 @ 11:27pm 
I like spaghetti. This is a 10/10 for me.
wayf Feb 7, 2014 @ 11:28pm 
tldr stories are fun
The Ham Wizard Feb 7, 2014 @ 11:33pm 
the pompson got nerfed?
★ Conga ★ (Banned) Feb 7, 2014 @ 11:36pm 
a more detailed scene of the fight
gsc159753 Feb 7, 2014 @ 11:39pm 
Originally posted by Achmed the Dead Terrorist:
a more detailed scene of the fight :spycon::conwaypunch:
spy punched a cop !
Propper Feb 7, 2014 @ 11:41pm 
Luvi Feb 8, 2014 @ 1:08am 
Is... is this erotica?
★ Conga ★ (Banned) Feb 8, 2014 @ 1:19am 
Originally posted by gsc159753:
Originally posted by Achmed the Dead Terrorist:
a more detailed scene of the fight
spy punched a cop ! :fscared:

How about this
piruk Feb 8, 2014 @ 1:29am 
Originally posted by Luvi:
Is... is this erotica?
i removed nsfw parts of it
Ocinus Feb 8, 2014 @ 1:57am 
Boy, that escalated quickly.
Counter-Life™ Feb 8, 2014 @ 2:03am 
"And not a single ♥♥♥♥ was given that day..."

The End.
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Date Posted: Feb 7, 2014 @ 10:45pm
Posts: 28