An Announcement from the President of the United States of America
My fellow Americans, I bring you together to discuss a serious topic. It is clear to see that we are in a state of disrepair. Our economy is slowly collapsing, jobs are becoming harder to find, the people, once happy and merry, are falling into an inevitable depression.
After seeing this issue, I, as your loyal President, decided to dig deep into the situation. You may have been told that the reason we're in an economic decline is because of low taxes, or too much spending on the military. However, I am here to tell you that this is not the case. I will admit, I have been keeping a secret from the people for a long time now, and I feel as if I should come outright with it.
You see, the reason we're in financial debt is because of NASA.
Recently, we've been keeping an eye out on NASA's scientific missions. NASA has always been loyal to the experimental discovery of the natural world, until July 6, 2010, when a new system of text-to-speech programs were integrated into the new generation of space suits. This system was initially used as a means of communication between workers.
However, doing some investigations and tests of the average NASA mission on the moon has found that the intended use is not being fulfilled. Instead, workers have been using it as a humorous ploy, entering nonsensical words and numbers into it, as well as modifying the voice as a way to crash electronic interference.
Oddly enough, when we asked the supervisors about this misbehavior, they simply shrugged their shoulders. They didn't know what to do about it, as members seriously working on the mission have been completely overridden by these people wishing to make a quick joke or two.
Seeing our tax dollars go towards such foolery has disgusted me, and has forced me to make a rather unfortunate decision. Today, on November 25, 2012, I, as well as the majority of Congress, have decided to cut NASA funding by 20%, or $310 million. We know that this may just damage NASA's more important missions and investigations, but seeing this money going to waste so easily has persuaded me to make such a decision.
We believe that such a cut will drastically improve the situation and moral of these United States of America.
Current President of the United State of America