24 people found this review helpful 9 people found this review funny
9.4 hrs on record
Posted: July 16, 2013
On the black tide I washed ashore on these uncharted rocks. I wonder now if I had drowned and awoken in Sheol, for find myself among only devils of the abyss. In the night, I hear their drums, the arrhythmic pounding when they sacrifice to their cruel gods. I dare not venture inland. I make camp on the desolate sands, for the jungle is awash with rot. Miasmic and pulsating, it calls to me, but I will not follow. It is a festering wound. It stinks of corruption.
There are no ships on the horizon. No sails to be seen. I hunt crabs on the beach, without much success. The thirst is maddening. I crack fallen coconuts against the rocks, sucking them dry like marrow from bone. Soft flesh or putrid milk, I gag and choke it down.
I collect the shell fragments. I use them for jewelry, fashioning necklaces and armbands. I decorate my camp. I bring civilization to a place of savagery. I piled rocks by the firepit and called it a throne—for having carved out an existence here, am I not queen of this forsaken shore?
The natives grow restless. Savage shades who harbour only murder in their hearts. They know I am here. They are hunting. They are coming. From a smashed coconut I dab war paint on my face. Run my fingers down my axe, squeezing the handle. These are my rocks. These are my palms. They are coming. They are coming.
8 people found this review helpful 1 person found this review funny
6.7 hrs on record
Posted: April 20, 2014
I picked this game up when it was on sale and I wasn’t expecting such a fun game. The artwork and voice acting is excellent and it has a funny storyline.
The main goal game is to build tourist amenities throughout various locations around the island. It’s similar to games like Build-A-Lot in that you have limited resources and workers but there is much more freedom to place buildings and bonus-generating structures.
The game is addicting since it’s really easy to pick up and play- most of the levels can be finished in 6 or 7 minutes. And once you finish a level your development carries over into the next one so can continue building it up.
However, beware of a glitch that may prevent you from seeing the true ending. If you complete the side paths of the game before the main story, the ending might not play after finishing the last level. Leave the side areas (the ones you need rubies to find) until the main story is complete.
9 people found this review helpful 1 person found this review funny
21.1 hrs on record
Posted: August 9, 2012
Coconut Queen is an amazing game, but it is also a chance for you to discover the island of Lui Lui (which sounds like Louie Louie -- go ahead and use that as the soundtrack for the rest of this review), which is mysteriously devoid of females! How mysterious! If you like games or spending time on tropical islands, you will probably have a blast with this game. If you are a fan of both games AND tropical islands, you will discover that Coconut Queen is a portal to a beautiful world where pigs skate on mayonnaise and Tony Hawk watches C-Span with Michael Jordan while refrigerated bread sticks eat themselves and multiply into a deafening crescendo of smooth crunching heavy metal guitars and the sky is filled with rainbows made of fire! What are you waiting for? Get your favorite snack and the best computer monitor in the world and get ready to let the Coconutty Queenliness of Coconut Queen wash over you like a hundred-trillion oceans of Brawny Gents!
It's a well-made casual game in which you get treated like royalty whilst destroying a desert island in the name of all the $$$. If building games like SimCity are too complex for your tastes, you might get on with this. Even if you don't, you can have a MAJOR luau and sway along with the music whilst getting off on being called 'Your Majesty'.
1 person found this review helpful 1 person found this review funny
2.7 hrs on record
Posted: May 19, 2014
This game is super addictive. Kind of like Dinner Dash and all those stereotypical games where you run around build, upgrade, and manage things. You dash about and have your "Hunks" build things for you to earn cash to build more things and to hire more hunks. You upgrade things to make them better, buy out stuff to upgrade them, and then meet certain goals throughout the game.
I only had to replay a scenario twice, they get increasingly difficult as you move on but I didn't run into any problems until the last chapter in the game. It's a fun game, very casual, and worth the $10 that I paid for it.
The replayability isn't there for me though. I don't like replaying levels only to beat them again and again.
Coconut Queen features the brawniest of gents. Sure, it's a well made simulation that requires decent planning and skill, and it is fun and challenging from start to finish complete with extra areas. But that's all just icing on the cake that is the brawny gents. Worthy title, a shame the sequel never happened, eleven out of five coconuts.