Historic Review: Games I played months if not years ago – I decided to start reviewing right at the end of 2023! Memory of a trepanned, ADHD toddler with impulse control issues notwithstanding.

Teaboy's Basic(ish) Reviews....I read a lot of reviews when looking at games on Steam, and it quickly gets tiring – those who write involved, down to the micron scale reviews, although helpful, end up like looking at War & Peace when you’ve only got time for a quick 5 minute dump! This is middle of the road and to the point – not easy for me as I tend towards sesquipedalian loquaciousness! Vociferously Verbose? Alright, verbal diarrhoea. (Although I hate panning a developer’s work and all the time, effort and love they put into designing these – it is their life after all – this is my honest, personal opinion of my level of enjoyment. Sorry devs!).

A note on time played: My Steam clock does not seem to work properly, indeed, it even minuses time on occasion! Plus, I have a tendency to wander off and leave games running at times, so time played may not be entirely accurate!


Teaboy’s Tonsil Titillators or Toenail Titbits! (Rating)

Tonsil Tickler (Totally Tops): The frenchy of which you always dreamt! To quote a master, “She’s got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a Man’s tonsils!”. An absolute masterpiece and joy to play.

The Tits (Terrific): Everyone loves playing with these! Not THE best bit, but such fun on their own you can be lost for hours....mmmm. What most games you really like score – perfection is so rare after all.

Torso Teaser (Taker of your Time): It’s a flat stomach....sure it’s nice to look at, run your fingers over, slobber on a bit, sometimes that bellybutton gets your motor running....but it's just basically the corridor between the two ‘gaming rooms’. The definitive ‘Meh’ - the middle ‘sideways thumb’ option for which everyone on Steam cries.

Todger/Tadger & (scroTum) Taters (Tedious): Is it an ‘a’ or is it an ‘o’? Who cares! The meat can be fun to play with for about 5 minutes of your entire day, the rest it just hangs there and generally gets in the way of doing something else. The main problem of course, is the two veg sticking to your inside thigh. This is what this game feels like – the occasional/rare bouts of fun, the rest bobbing like a 19th century British Policeman (now you know why!).

Toenail Tornado (Total Toss): A playthrough so appalling it’s like being trapped in a Turkish sauna with the ugliest, hairiest, fattest, sweatiest beast of a neolithic hominid who’s trimming his toenails using pliers and the splinters are reminiscent of a scene from the Normandy Landings. My god how did this get released!?


Teaboy Touts (Score): The Tits!


The Review:

(played June 2021)

This game is good fun! Great tongue-in-cheek humour make it even more enjoyable. Three heroes you need to swap between all the time so get to play with them all, and all through the game too, not just one then replay to try other etc.

It's a decent length and a good challenge without being frustrating and gives a nice touch of only being able to get through certain 'puzzles' or tests with a specific hero - you can only change heroes at special points, but this is part of the challenge and you can play much of the game with whichever is your favourite so swap to get through then swap back! Good stuff ;)

Fair array of weapons, good selection of different enemies, and so many levels to the tower! Combat is enjoyable, and a very good idea of a teleport option when inevitably falling off of the tower to beam you back to the spot from which you jumped/fell. Several bosses and jump challenges too!

An absolutely brilliant take on circa 1950's sci-fi films....mick take! Voice over is worth it on its on ;)

Lens flare! Is that a thumbprint on the screen? Who did that? C'mon guys, this is supposed to be serious drama....

Classic. Give it a go, it's a romp in a spacesuit....certainly would be in hers^^

It genuinely feels like I'm on the set of an older B movie and this game was fantastic. Loved the weapons, plot, characters, and the MONSTERS