張貼於：06 月 28 日
I'm gonna go for the 'Sam Spade in the Maltese Falcon' method of reviewing this game: I'm going to explain all the reasons why I don't want to recommend it, and then I'm going to explain why I WILL recommend it.
So here's a big old 'Reasons for No Recommendation' list:
- The UI is functional garbage and has all the gravitas of an early 2000's 'I bought Macromedia Dreamweaver 3 at Goodwill and I'm gonna build the best website ever, watch out world' Geocities page.
- The narrator is racist as hell.
- The game absolutely refuses to remember my settings, so every time I open up the game I have to tell the game to stop using my gamepad, then I have to click on the right arrow a number of times to shut the ♥♥♥♥ing narrator up.
- Seriously, can we talk about why the game absolutely refuses to remember my settings? I don't know why the game absolutely refuses to remember the things I tell it, and then it goes and tells me what the light sword round is all about, despite the fact that I've kicked so many asses with that sword that my sword is more ♥♥♥ than sword now. Like the game has perpetual amnesia.
- Completionist bait re: so many ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ achievements for a game that's just about stoving in the heads of dudes who dare to run blindly towards your fist.
- Why not call it Two Finger Death Punch? (Nitpicking at this point, time to move on.)
Those are all the reasons I don't recommend it. Here's why I do:
- Round lengths are PERFECT. Not too long, not too short, just right. All you need is a couple of minutes to lay waste to a crowd of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥s and at the end you'll feel like you've really accomplished something. It taps into that same bloodlust euphoria that Hotline Miami taps into really well.
- It gets its sexy so right. The player feedback for punching a dude dead is phenomenal. There's enough variations in the death sequences where you get to see a dude's ribs crack or an eyeball fly or pinning a dude to the ground with your sword to heighten the awesomeness. The tempo the game keeps is ♥♥♥♥ing wonderful.
- As you get better, the game gets faster, and it keeps challenging you and you have to answer the ♥♥♥♥ing call by being faster and more precise or it shames you by making the game move slower.
- The ability to one-hit kill bosses with thrown weapons is awesome and I really wish more games would do it more often.
- The game can make you feel like a badass, but the included No Luca No Survival mode makes this hilarious. This is because in the midst of frenetic kung-fu badass action, the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cat walks in front of the screen and shoving it away makes The Whiniest Cat Owner In The World whine at his cat, which hits so embarrasingly close to home that it becomes hilarious.
All of these reasons make my 'No Recommendation' list pale in absolute comparison. Yeah, sure, I really wish there wasn't a narrator at all and the game does things that ♥♥♥♥ me off, but those things are mere hurdles in the way of endlessly satisfying amounts of kicking the asses of dudes. You have to play this and accept the flaws, racist narrators and non-working settings and all. It's worth it.