Verfasst: 10. Dezember
Spelunky is the best simulator of my vag.
The accuracy is just incredible: I mean, I'm 99% sure Derek Yu has never been inside my ♥♥♥♥♥♥, and despite this, he somehow knows.
It's so true, this game. When I first enter my ♥♥♥♥♥, the immediate thing I feel is a dry, spider-infested cave. And after a few minutes of play, I get to a hot, wet jungle full of frogs and amazon people. And later, as I go deeper, it turns into a frozen, slippery abyss (this, by the way, is where Derek Yu makes an error; I am 100% sure there are no aliens in my uterus. But it's okay; it's his game; I mean, he didn't NEED to make a game about my cooch but he did and it took him many years; I really hope I'm not coming off as ungrateful, <3). And after the abyss, and if I'm lucky enough to have any working toys left, I enter Olmec's temple, or at least the Egyptian/Mexican town before it.
I don't lie and will not now; I've so far never had an ♥♥♥♥♥♥ and I have never reached Olmec. I've seen YouTube vids of other people playing with my Olmec, but the vicarious viewage isn't what I want. I myself want to do it! Why has God made it so hard for me to get to it? Is it a lack of skill, or is there a special combination of toys I don't know of?
And apparently Olmec isn't even the true end. There are YouTube videos of people beating "Hell." Could that be my cervix? Giving myself an ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is hard enough. But I do wonder what it would be like to touch my cervix. It looks like it hurts, but people who've spent their youth playing the simulator of my ♥♥♥♥♥ say it's worth it.
Derek Yu, thank you so much for making this beautiful game about my hole. You are amazing; I love you! <3 <3 <3