Zamieszczono: 15 listopada
Mass Effect is pretty cool, I guess.
You play as Shepard, who can be either male or female, but I played him as a man, so I will be addressing him as a he.
The game takes place in the future where I somehow haven't conquered the world. Humanity, in its efforts to into space, exluding Poland, find a ancient alien relic called the Mass Relay at the edge of the solar system. They activate it, which is apparently a big no-no, and starts a interstellar war with a alien race called the Turians, it's okay though because you can bang one later. All greviances lost.
Depending on the backstory you picked for Shepard, there is a chance he can compete with Batman on the world's deadest parents competition. As part of the Earth military, Shepard is sent off to a planet called Eden Prime where he must find out what happened to the country bumpkins and their space farms. He finds corpses, oh no! After the death of a Spectre, this games version of the hall monitors, Shepard is brought to the forefront of the galactic community as the first human hall monitor. Gonna monitor those halls so good. Through his Star Wars journey, Shepard discovers new friends, bitter enemies, and discovers his infatuation for blue buttcheeks, you go Shepard, get that blue berry.
The combat is a mix between RPG elements and cover based shooting. You hide behind chest-high walls while popping out occasionally to shoot some fool or hit them with your Jedi mind powers. Like all older Bioware games, Mass Effect likes to tell you what's going on. There is a codex that covers aliens, places, alien places, weapons, alien weapons, goblin darts, and historical events, and alien historical events... Did I mention the aliens? They're kind of important. I appreciate the time they took into making the game feel like it has it's own world instead of just being a series of events.
The story isn't the greatest thing ever, but it does enough to get you lost in it and forgetting that you live on a raft going down the Mississippi because you won one too many hobo fights without throwing the match. Let's see you catch me now, Booker.
Should you play Mass Effect?
The characters are fun to be around and the story and gameplay is engaging enough to keep you interested. Your journey for blue butt cheeks should last you a few hours and it will probably keep you interested enough to play the sequel. Not the second sequel though, don't do that to yourself, you're beautiful and don't deserve that.
I give Mass Effect two butt cheeks out of ten. President Kennedy was the fastest random speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.
Also, I have a curator now, you should probably check that out if you like reading the stupid crap I type out on here. You can find it here.http://steamcommunity.com/groups/Dickbuttexperience#curation