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"All we had to do, was follow the damn train, CJ!" ~ Melvin "Big Smoke" Harris
Back when I was a little snort other kids were afraid of me because I've been setting dogs on fire. I had only one friend. That friend introduced me to the world of GTA. My first GTA was Vice City. That game was a true experience. It made me feel all tingly in the places I now pay women to lick and suck. Results, unfortunately, cannot be compared to the pleasure Vice City gave me. And then my only friend said: "Shiet, negro, wait till you play San Andreas."
MY ♥♥♥♥♥♥ GOD
That game wasn't like anything I played before. It was bigger, faster, better. It had everything my developing body and mind needed. Rockstar had always been great with writing plot and making cutscenes but they outdone themselves in San Andreas. It had it all. Gang wars, bouncing lowriders, classic rock, sunset over the desert, robbing the casino, murdering harlots to get your cash back, etc, etc.
I mean, you started as a low gangbanger from the ghetto with no rep, no name and then BAM you're stealing a fighter jet from an air carrier just to blow Russian spies to kingdom come. Is there anything better? Of course not, you fukin ♥♥♥♥♥♥.
I've been playing it with my mouth open and my underwear leaking with j1zz. From blastin dem balla fools through exile from Los Santos, passing THOSE MOTHERFUKING DRIVING AND FLYING SCHOOLS, stealing a jetpack, all the way to blastin balla fools again that game was just... just... it was... DAYUM SON IT WAS THE SHIET, NIQQA, IT WAS THE SHIET.
I played that game not long ago and I know whatchu sayin, "Ah but shiee, dawg, dat game is hella old and it looks terrible and check muh CS:GO skins, shieee." If you do that and please follow Robin Williams' example and FUKIN KILL YOURSELF. This game has flaws, yes, but it is, even today, one of the greatest achievements of game industry.
Such names as CJ, Sweet, Cesar, Kendl, The Truth, Toreno, motherfukin Tenpenny are part of my life. They will stay with me forever. That game shaped me. Made me a better man.
Final Rating: ★★★★★
That's right, beyotch. 5 motherfukin stars. That game means more to me than my mother.