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Well my crashes had coincided with Windows 8.1 Start showing (which I never use, I use Classic Start) and these two things together made me go looking for hardware acceleration and Start related settings to disable - wouldn't you know the first one I tried, the game works!
So after hours of troubleshooting it turns out Windows 8.1 Start and gta3.exe (and so I guess probably VC and SA too, although I haven't tried them) can clash. The magic incantation was:
Right click Taskbar>Properties>Navigation>Show Desktop Background in Start
Now, off for a well-deserved game... until the next crash. :)
The menu texts did show up very gradually and transparently until I set display resolution to monitor native resolution and 32-bit color depth.
EDIT: It was not enough to set the Show Desktop Background in Start for me.
Go into the GTA III folder and find GTA3.exe Right click it and choose "Troubleshoot Compatability" and choose "Try Recommended Settings"
This should get you to the game screen, though it's slow as funk. Set your preferred screen resoution etc and quit.
After that you should be able to launch using the icon.
Disclaimer: I'm not responsible for anything bad that happens to you just because you're foolish enough to listen to somebody on the internet.
Cheers